PREFACE;

Well it's start about four day ago ,when three good guys, who happing to be lock in cook county jail.

Face with the hardship of being confined in one room with about 300 guys . The three of us start

talking about the hardship of being lock up and what we did to get lock up, we also where talking what

God have done for us , even when we are lock up God never let us down , the only thing that put us in

jail was ourself. Even when time are hard God is still there for us, that how good God can be. Then

almost at the same time we said someone should write a book about what

God have done for us, and how he have help you though hard time to get

you to understand his word, again almost at the same time we came up

with title call Hugging God While Shaking The Devil Hand, As we said that I felt this cold feeing down my back and I was happy that I want it to cry, It felt as God himself was talking to me(saying my son take this title and share the knowledge that I give you with other.)Just my life along is a store within its self, but as long as the guy was talking to me I felt more and more into the holy spirit, it's was a part of my soul. I could not understand but I was not afraid of it. As long as I was talking to these two guys, it's was like I knew them, but I never saw these guys before. We share this command bond and just talk all that night. We all share a spiritual moment at once, dealing with the problem that come with being lock up in cook country, that would normal make one person crazy, but what God put together, not even the devil himself could stop them. So as you read the testimony and the vision and the knowledge that God have share with us I am going to share with you, and hopefully we all can come together and let the devil hand go! Remember take what you want from this book use my true so that you can see where you at in life no matter if you are a business man or star, rapper even Ophar, there no one perfect, at one point in you your life we all have sock the devil hand, If you said you didn't every time you judge someone because of their past, you shack the devil hand , when you are on that diet then ate that cake, you shake the devil hand , let me make you understand where the devil is. That though or that guilt, you may feel or you know that it's wrong but you try to make it better by going to church or pulling out the pay check. For some the devil are holding you, that when you will even kill for him or do something that you know your mother or grandmother or aunt, even your kids can't look you into the eye and say dad what you have done! Like I said take this knowledge and help me to help you make that change for the better, All it take is for us to let the devil hand go and with God, I am not saying that you have to go to church every Sunday, I am saying look in your heart that where God is at, Inside You> God Bless in Jesus Name let us all say A-MEN.

HUGGING GOD WHILE SHAKING THE DEVIL HAND!

A PLEA TO KIDS 13 YR TO 25YR OLD. CHAPTER 2

A plea for help for my kids and other all they want to do is live. First of all I would like to thank God for our kids today. Now don't think I mean any disrespect by the word kids, 'just a word not a title'. I ask first for my kids and other, can you please let them grow up? Now I would like to start off with a prayer.(Because we are going to need all the help we can get)So can you open your heart, and be very quiet, stop and listen to your heart beat, put your hand on your heart, 'do you feel your heart beating 'Now pray with me! God who are in heaven, hear our prayer, we ask in Jesus name that you give us the wisdom that we need to overcome our fear and the understanding to learn your word that we may be forgiven for our sin, the one that we know of and the one we don't., Work with us lord so that we may grow in our spirit and our heart in Jesus name, let us said AMEN! As I was saying to the kids 13yr old to 25yr old. I ask you guys to give my children and others the chance to grow up. Now! The reason I am praying that you guys ,is because the murder rate, show that you guys are doing the killing, and it's have got out of our hand. The only thing we can do is pray to God to help us with our children and to please to the youth of today. Somehow 13yr-to 25yr olds are being raise by other (the street) or gang etc... Somehow ours kids are being told that if you do bad and get away with it, you will get reward. Somehow all the evil have took over our kids we can get)So can you open your heart, and be very quiet, stop and listen to your heart beat, put your hand on your heart, 'do you feel your heart beating 'Now pray with me! God who are in heaven, hear our prayer, we ask in Jesus name that you give us the wisdom that we need to overcome our fear and the understanding to learn your word that we may be forgiven for our sin, the one that we know of and the one we don't., Work with us lord so that we may grow in our spirit and our heart in Jesus name, let us said AMEN! I ask you guys to give my children and others the chance to grow up. Now! The reason I am praying that you guys ,is because the murder rate, show that you guys are doing the killing, and it's have got out of our hand. The only thing we can do is pray to God to help us with our children and to please to the youth of today. Somehow 13yr-to 25yr olds are being raise by other (the street) or gang etc... Somehow ours kids are being told that if you do bad and get away with it, you will get reward. Somehow the entire evil have took over our kids, the so call generation x or next have blow up! So to speak. We have in our time to believe that if you don't have money your don't have nothing, If you don't have the bling-bling you don't have a thing. But I am here to tell you that the devil is a lie and the truth not in him. am to tell you to stop, slow down, move with caution. Look both ways, before you past that stop sign in life...look both way. Let's just take a moment to stop and look at my life when I got to that Stop sign(believe it or not I was 13 and 25 years old before)So you go left, down that path you have Drugs ,Pills ,Sex ,and a baby by the time you are 25,and hopeful you will not go to jail as I did, and your baby grow up without a father, and your girl break bad, get in a gang get shot, stab, you had so much scuffing down that road, but hey! Who I am. {THEY ANSWER AND SAID TO HIM, YOU WERE COMPLETLY BORN IN SIN AND ARE TEACHING US: AND THEY CAST HIM OUT?} (John: 9:34) I am someone who's been there at that stop sign, I turn left! I did drug, had a child at the age of17, been to jail got stab and shot etc... {HE ANSWER AND SAID WHO IS HE LORD, THAT I MAY BELIEVE IN HIM} (Jhon: 9:36) Let me be the one to tell you that not the way. Let try going right.{AND JESUS SAID FOR JUDGMENT I HAVE COME INTO THIS WORLD THAT THOSE WHO DO NOT SEE MAY SEE AND THOSE WHO SEE MAY BE BLIND.} (Jhon: 9:39) Right! Is just what you think when you get away with it. Right is when you go stealing and get away with something or selling drug, anything that evil rewards you every time you do something bad. Also there gangs, girl and glitter. The bling, bling a lift style that bring death and destruction. I know you get weak, I know that you get tired of the suffering and you got to do what you got to do., All I am saying that just take a second to stop and think.{HAVE MERCY ON ME LORD,FOR IAM TROUBLE MY EYE WASTES AWAY WITH GRIEF,YES MY SOUL AND MY BODY}(Psalm:31:9){BE OF GOOD COURAGE AND HE SHALL STRENGTHEN YOUR HEART ALL WHO HOPE IN THE LORD}(Psalm:31:24)you don't have to take that right, let look at where we at. Now you at the stop sign, you had been left and right. {IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST, LET ME NEVER BE ASHAMED, DELIVER ME IN YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS.} (Psalm: 31:15) Let see what straight ahead! What God have put in front for us all.{ REJOICE IN THE LORD O YOU RIGHTEOUS,FOR PRAISE FROM THE UPRIGHT IS BEAUTIFUL.} (Psalm: 33:1) Let me be the first to tell you that it is. First of all you get a peace of mind, just walking with Holy Spirit. When you go straight, you opening the door to the greatest reward of all. That God and God is good, and once you get that green light so many door open for your Family ,job, and you talk about the bling-bling!Plantinum don't have nothing on what God can put around your neck. The power to be free from your sin and to have free will, that alone give you power over the devil himself. {BLESSED IS HE WHOSE TRANSGRESSION IS FORGIVEN, WHOSE SIN IS COVERED} (Psalm: 32:1) When you take God into your life the rest will fall into place. The fellow will respect you more, your girl become your wife. The treasure that you receive when you walk with the God, is more than gold, it's for your mind, body and soul... The power to face all your fears and to have control over your life and the entire devil can't take that away. Because your faith is strong and you have free will over all that is evil. Now that you have the power to cast evil back to hell! (In Jesus name) With that power you will get great reasonability you have to show other, because God has to build his army as well strong one that the devil can't control or mislead. Someone who are as young and gifted and fresh, between the age of 13yr and 25yr old? At that age you are so variable, so fresh, and so full of life, that you not thinking straight you are thinking left or right way and not what in front of you. Evil will have you to turn on your mother. The woman who birth you, that took care of you from 0 to what every, or had someone to take care of you. Now that you are old enough to walk, you think you know everything; the first time she doesn't get that pair Jordan you say she is not a good mom. Let me tell you that not you, that the devil!....so I said to you 13 years old and 25 years old to take word of what I say. God is coming and he needs you to be a part of his army. Stop! precede with caution, never turn left nor go right. Just go straight to God arm. Just let the devil hand go. The world can be your, you can be anything you want to be<dream can come true. All you have to do is to make that choice to be free. Let your heart guide you, put the drug down for two days let call that it's fasting, I would do it with you, every Sunday and Monday we will not do drug, drink alcohol or do anything sinful at least from your point of view, just as the devil tempt God for fourth days we will be tempted! Watch how strong you will get spritaul, mentally, and stay strong. I tell you when you take one step he will take two. Repent and ask forgiveness and the rest will fall into play. I tell you this while you are young; so that you can grow up strong and fearless...God Bless and keep you all safe in Jesus Name;; Amen!

A TESTOMONY OF MY LIFE...
4-29-08 chapter 3

From the time I was 9yr old as I can remember:I have suffer,I have love and been hurt before,I have sin,not only myself but against the one I love, name it, I have done or was on my way to doing it Growing up was hard for me and my family but the one thing we had was love By the time I was ten years old I have either broke everything on my left side or got it put out. First it's started with my toe been broke,from walking on the hot Mississippi road without shoe.They call it a frog have stomp your toe;but in reality you hit your toe on the concreat or stomp.Knocking your toe nail off,hurt like hell! I still remember the lady from next door putting salt pork on it,I will never forget that pain.The second thing I can remember, after two month from my toe I got my finger stuck in the washer machine and two finger got brokeing.Now I know you saying how Ican you get your finger broke from a washing machine.well you see it's was one of them old machine with the rolling pin at the top,My uncle (bull-man)bet me one dollar that I could'nt put my hand in the rolling pins,well I took the bet and the rest is history.(I got my dollar)after that my arm,then my leg and my eye,now my eye were a beauty,I was what you call hard head..I don't hear when someone tell me something right I like to find out on my on. So one day my cousin (popper) and I was playing cowboy and Indian,I was the cowboy so i had a toy gun and he had spears, well I shot him bang-bang and he throw a spear and it went straight into my left eye. He suppose to been dead,I shot him but he cheated..The pain was unbelivealble hard.on top of that my brother and cousin told me not to tell(mothe dear)because that were scrare to get a whopping,so I had to sit in the back room in pain..After about ten or twenty minute I said fuck that!I had to get the spear out and went to the doctor.My mother and grandmother(mothe-dear)did give them a whopping and I lost an eye for it.Because been down south the trip to the doctor was not an easy thing back then.I said to myself God must hate me,to seen me throught so much pain at such a young age,back to back.. Until this day I thank my cousin Gloria jean for helping me by telling mothe-dear,cause she was a teller tail....You see! Even when you are young and make the wrong choice there can be alot of suffing,if I knew know what I know back then I would never don those crazy thing,If only I had listen and stop being so hard head,which make for a soft ass.Just maybe I could have save myself from alot of pain.After we move to the city,you would thank that I would become a good little boy after all I when though but no!After going to school,being talk about cause we were poor.make you do something stupid like join a gang..at the age of 13 yr old my brother and I going the G.D.Nation.I though that my problem were over with,back then to join the gang you had to get beat up or what they call blood in blood out.One day we were all in the park getting drunk off old English beer deside to get tattoo,so everybody were getting picth folk and devils and six point star but I want it something different something that show that I was bad so I got a five point start cut in half with TJ in the middle own one arm and the joker on the other.now not knowing what I have done,every time I went out I show off my tattoo and when I did I got stolen on,even when I where out with my girl 'pow' from no where some vice lord would stealing on me.so I ask my older brother what going on why people keep hitting me he said that when i got that tattoo I was disrespecting The Vice Lord.now I know but I still didn't hide it I even start wearing black and blue all day.Though out all the fights and getting shot at.There one incedent that change my mind on being in a gang and that the day bobby c got shot. Well the day start off just like any other day we all were standing on the spot(human and walnut)there was me,eric bobby c and twiggy drinking beer when all of a sudden, just like in slow motion this car drove past and all you heard is this loud noise boom!boom! naturally ever one go down.After it all was over bobby c was shot eric had a few buck shot in him and twiggy caught a few too,Now I never seen a guy get shot before,but let me tell you that it nothing you ever what to see, there was blood and guts every where,but thank God I didn't get hit at all. God was watch over me that day.

I thought that my trouble was over,but I was wrong,from the first time i got beat up by other gang and got shot and stab,just doing thing that I would never done if I know any better.I could'nt go anywere without getting stolen on(hit blind side)even with my girl friend.Thought out all that gang-banging the one incedent with bobby c getting help show me that gang are not the way.. If you every saw someone get shot with a shot gun the hole in the front of his stomach was big but the one in the back was even bigger.There was piece of flesh every where,blood every where.Finally we got him to the hospital where he live but now he have a bag inside his stomach.Twiggy and eric got hit with buck shot went into the hospital to get them remove,but I had nothing not a buck shot anywhere and .I was standing next to bobby.That scare me straight.after everyone got back in the car after the doctor said that bobby c was going to be ok.since I did'nt get hurt I had to clean up the blood out of the back seat fleash and blood every where.I was about 13 years old from that day on I grew up fast< I was tired of stealing car,busting fright(truck)selling drug,doing what I had to do to get money,I remember my mother use to give me money to but something out of the store and I use to steal everything and keep the money for myself.I remember the summer when I was 16yr old,that was the summer I meet my first wife Valerie.She was the most beautiful girl I every seen a janet Jackson look a like.She was up here for the summer with her cousin lettynet who happen to be my older brother(jerry) girl friend.One day me and the gang were walking down the block(Twiggy,Slick G,Harry,Travic cook,and Sweetroll) that when we all saw her for the first time sitting on lyettnet front porch,now there alot of pretty looking guys in the gangs,but I want it her I want her bad.She was sitting there looking like a move star in slow motion. Now there was ong guy travic cook who try to shoot his mack on her, it work but little did he know that I had an inside player so a couple of day went by I saw them holding hand and stuff, so I went to my older brother Slick G(david) and said why are we letting this vice lord move in on our girls(travic cook was a vice-lord, but his father or cousin was boo soul a (neigberhood pimp)my brother told me to talk to rock(Jerry)my oldest brother to set you up with her.Now I knew how to talk to a young ladyfrom listen to Don wand(big pimp in the hood)my brother who happen to be a HSG(high supreme ganster)one of the big boy in the gang so I told him that I want that girl he said what girl I said said lyettynet cousin.that night I came over with my brother him and lyettnet went into her room and sitting on the couch was Valerie and travic cook I ask him what he was doing there he said sitting with his girl friend as soon as he said that val said Iam not your girl friend, I told travic that it was time for him to leave, he did'nt want any troble because the only reson we let him hang is because his brother was old scool soul and our chief told us to let him hang,so when he got up I ask her was it ok for me to set next to her she said yes> I start asking where she from and told her how good she look then I ask this she smoke weed she said yes (back then every body smoke weed it was cool) so I said let take a walk plus we got tired of hearing my brother and lyettnet doing there thing.she first was scared I told her she have nothing to fear I know this neighberhood and what nobody mess with you as long as you are with me.she ask why cause you in a gang, I laugh and said what you know about gang she said her cousin told her about the scott family(I have 6 brother and 2 sister) not too mention a ton of uncle and cousin.So I walk her to the park when we got there we saw twiggy and slick G and all in what we call our fucking spot.after val and I finish smoking the weed I got tired of smoking weed so i got a wicket stick(pcp)smoke on that for a minute and got whack out of my mind,val ask what was that I told her? 'She said let me try a little' I gave her one drag that show me that she were as innocent as she look ,now I could had made love to her in the park but I did'nt she was special I took her down in the basement where we talk all night until the next day.I told her that the basement is where we take our special girl friend or someone we care about a lot she was kind of scared,but her cousin lyettnet told her she was with a scott and that she would be o-k. So the next day we went out like to the game room until that night when we were walking though the park were everyone was at Like my brother slick g and his girl and twiggy and his girl and so on everyone had there spot were they were even getting high or makeout. I ask val would she like to come down the basement with me again it's been about three week now and I know valrie not as innocent as she look plus taking her to the basement made her feel safe and special not just any girl more like my main woman so I told her how much I care about her and what we were going to be doing this summer and she was impress.We only fool around that night I maybe got to second base if you know what I mean?I was not mad but happy because if she would gave it up that easy then I would put her in my easy girl list like this girl name yo-yo.As the summer when on we were seen holding hand and walking to the park together,I took her to the movie and down town we were together every day and night she had me feeling funny I stop stealing car and stop bursting fright and stop hustlering period. I had yo-yo making a little money for me doing what she do best and once and a while I would sale weed but for the most part Valerie keep me from the gang and out of trouble the guys start calling me soft and pussy whip,but my brother slick G and sweetroll made them stop because they were the big guys in our gang plus they had the one hitter knot out punch that no one want to fuck with.Later that summer val and I was at her cousin lyettnet house in her room we had smoke some weed earlier and drinking pink champang so we start kiss which lead to the touching to the love making(sex)That night my older daughter 'Renee' was conceieve that night was the wonderful night of my life.After that I took val to meet my mother she's love her so did my dad and everyone that saw her just though she was the best thing that every happen to me and you know something they was right.As the summer went on so did val she had to go to school back to the surburb back to schamburg Ill some place I never hear of so we start talking on the phone for month and she nevertold me she was having my baby,even if she told me I would have say that it was not mine that what everybody was doing back then.So that winter I went back to gang banging and stealing and getting drunk until one day I went to this house party and got fuck up I mean drunk as outdoor my mother gave me the worst whopping of my life I came in so drunk my brother try to straight me out before I got into the house but it was to late I some how trip when I got into the door and my mother was on the phone it like she knew I was drunk because she said I have to go this motherfucker is drunk next thing I know I got a beating not a whopping Iam talking with the 2 by 4 that was on the back of the door I try to talk back but I lost the ass beating just got worst I figure out that it was for my best to lay my drunk ass down before I get kill.After that ass whopping I move out with my best friend harry T(keith)and his brother 'chello' it was cool because we went out stealing car all most ever night at one time we had so much stuff in the basement people was order part like we was a car shop.After I got home I would always call Valerie, she told me she had a surprise for me,it was spring and school would be getting out soon and I could'nt wait to see my Valerie I mean I had a girl friend name lashawn and there always was yo-yo and the older lady but neither of them had my heart like val did when summer got around there was no Valerie I ask her cousin lyettnet what was going on but she did'nt tell me nothing.almost in the middle of summer we all was hang out on the corner of walnut and human when this white car pull up and this fine older lady got out and look straight at me like she knew me but I didn't know her>Now get this Iam on the corner with the gang and this lady came up and said which one of you is William scott,out of respect no one answer her but my brother said who are you and what do you want with me.she said that Iam Valerie mother that when everyone point to me.Now Iam a ganster disciple I was not to be fool with but this lady came on the corner was no joke.She told me that Valerie had a bady! I was in shock my first though was naw!not me? She said would you like to see her I reply oh it's a girl I would love to see her my brother said then go get going I'll tell mom so we drove to schamburg. I never been as far then down town I though she was kidnapping me or something we finally got to her house there was Valerie sitting on the back with this tired look on her face but she was happy to see me and she went pick up this baby and said here your baby I was proud I was touch I almost cried I think I did cry holding my baby for the first time was one of the memorieable moment of my life. After that I heard like a shot gun sound 'click'and Valerie and I was husband and wife she was 16yr old I was 17yr old we both didn't know anything about a baby we knew nothing about been a family.I ask God why me? What do I suppose to do with a wife and a baby,get a job was one thing I had to do,so I did.My mother said I have a beautiful baby and a wonderful wife it time for you to grow up and take care of them stop the getting high and stuff so off to work I went I first start off working at burger king then mcdonald's I sold a little drug here and there I finally had enough to move val and renee to an a apartment on avers ave in the city it was a hell of lot different than the surburb.it's was home for my famlily,but it was not easy the harder I work the more bills I had I start working for the Hilton and the hyatt making a little more money val had to finsh schools we work it out by the time we were 5 years in the marriage thing got ruff dope came into the picture now I was always a praying men though out my marriage thing was hard but I made it work until the time I start working for U.I.C and meet this girl name beata,first of all it just was a little firting that it, on the other hand Valerie ask me how was it to be with another men,we both marriage young and we both love each alot and would do anything for renee,so me being the player that I was I said ok,because couldn't strop a woman from doing what she want to do anyway plus I was doing dope I started to fall off my square a couple years later all I know that val move back with her mom and I had a friend name beata I though I was doing something until that one day Valerie didn't accept my phone call at all.Regardless of what she think she was still my wife,now she never stop me from seeing renee but I want to see her one day I call and she was at home so I stole a car and drove it to schamburg when I got there her mother was shock to see me I played it off like I want to see my daughter na-na!(which I did)but also to see my wife but she was going otu with her little sister Yolanda?who just turn 18 or 20 or something so I hang out for a little while her mother was like before it get to late. I said that my friend harry was going to pick me up which was a lie forgive me!well around 11 o clock look who pull up Valerie and Yolanda rantoward the house her mother answer the door and said something then Yolanda ran back toward the car at this time I look out the window and saw my wife kiss some other I just snap! Some dude name tryell or something it took all the power to be to stop me from killing that guys on the spot,but after the anger came the pain I mean it's hurt after val found out that I was there she start to cry of fear that this nigger going to kill me I ran outside to grab this guy but he drove off val try to calm me down but I was like what the fuck she said I told you? I said told me what? That I want to date other people I said that as long as you are my wife that shit not going to happen I got a little so I didn't want to wake up the neighood plus renee was sleep so I ask val to drive me to my car she was scrared I told her if I want it to hurt you I would had done about now as we were driving toward the car I told her how I feel how much pain I was in and she said that I didn't want to hurt you like that all I want to do was pull this pain out of me she was so sorry I said not never never
would I truat a woman with my heart again?I want to slap the fuck out of her but I did'nt I took my broken heart self home..and I went to beata then made love to her, I was hopeing that she could take away the pain but that wasn't the case,she thought that I didn't like her cause I was not The Joker a.k.a William Scott like I use to be its just seen that every thing I did hurt,every thing I touch hurt even everything I smell hurt me I could not go any were without crying.The pain was everylasting I though God what did I do wrong why this pain in my heart it's was as worst then getting my eye put out>I pray to God to take this pain away;my brother slick G(david jr)said little brother get it tighter be your self dont let no woman hurt you like that,you hurt them.So I went out slaping woman with gun(Debbie)I also beat up on woman like yo-yo/trisha I just took out all my anger on them but God dont like ugly cause a week later I went to jail for some traiffic,but I did about 20 days ro something;That was'nt the worst of it about two day before I were about to get out Valerie seen me a divoice I just was like what this bitch doing trying to kill me, I could wait to get out cause I was going to kill her that just how hurt it was like all the pain came back to me all at once> I was like och God not again not while I was lock up in jail I hade to be strong two day took forever finally I get out the first thing I did was went straight to her mother house,she told me that Valerie move away and she could'nt give me the address there was no address on the divoice paper I was piss and hurt where my daughter now she playing that baby mom shit I can'nt see my child cause I was on drug and mad. At that point I stop careing about anything or anybody I was like fuck the world Iam tired of beinr in pain so I took harry 32 or somebody gun put one bullet into the gun and spin then pull the trigger with the gun to my head and 'click at first I cry after you heard that click sound all the pain shot straight out of me I hade lost my dam mind harry came down to the basement saw what I was doing took the gun and took me straight to the hospital after the hospital found out that you play Russian roulette with yourself they took me straight to the mental hospital(on lamine) all I know I work up the next day out of my drunkness like what the fuck I look around to see all these crazy people around me what the hell I got myself into now I quickly had to get out of there,I try to tell the nurse that I was not crazy that I was just a little hurt they all look at me like I was out of my mind one of the nurse said something like ooh yell! No one in here is crazy they all laught at me Iam like serious Iam not crazy! They told me to take these pills and drink the oj and the doctor will see you later so I did just that a couple minute later I lost all motion in my body my speech was off slop came out my mouth that I had no control over I went up to the nurse and try to talk but I sound like the guy off fat albert show Ibutbur notal crazy they just laught at me I got so upset that they put me in this room but nake it strap to a bed, I think I was in there for about a week before I overheard one of the nurse talking to someone about how you can get out where by your wife or your mother I also figure out that it was the oj that hade the drug in it. That hade it were you can get one phone call a week so the first person I call was Valerie since our divorce was not finaly She answer the phone That God! First it was hard for her to understand me because of the drug but about a week later I finally got her to understand me after not taking my mendacation.and she came to get me out she felt sorry for me and said she still love me and we hade sex all that week I call it sympathy sex you know? I still love her until this day because what dont kill you make you strongerBut I will never out myself in that postion again.I hade to much to live for I had the most beautiful daughter in the world and had a great friend who also where my exwife.Valerie and I when thought alot but we still respect each and my daughter renee is 21 years old today and Iam a grandfather that made me happy?I l learn a heart is nothing to play with because remember you have one to.also I thank God and I know God answer prayer but be careful with what you ask for and thank him when you do get it even when it not the way you want it to be.sometime we dont' understand it but it also not for us to understand> but all was not lose for me when it's come to love you will get your heart broken and you will break some heart but I love once now let she how that feel to love twice just remember to trust in your heart and put God first he will show you the way or give you another shot at love?In Jesus Name I thank you... '

The second time around! 4-30-08

Chapter 4

From the first time I saw her tall slim and brown I was stun and her eye was so brown that if you look in them you would think that glow in the day light.,They were so glossy and her hair was fire red she look late a angle from the sky, I felt in love the first time I saw her I just had to have her? I was working for this company call Thomas telemarking and she came looking for a job right there and then I had to do something, by me working there for about a year and I was a pretty good worker(where everybody knew scott) so when the manager were walking out I just so happen to say they should hired her until this day she still dont know that I had something to do with her getting the job well with that said they told her to come back Tuesday after memorial day weekend, since that day was Friday I got my pay check and I was ready for the weekend to party down? First I had to go out west to pick up something then come back to get my girl (beata) at 5:00 o clockI thought I had two hour to get this done but when I got outside guess who I saw legs out there with her two childred having car problem? So me being the great guy that I was I offter to help her,first I ask what her name?she said Gloria the same as my mother after some small talk and meeting her kids I saw the problem with her car but what I didn't know that it's was going to cost me almost three hundred dollar!Because her tire rod were broken and I had the money plus I could not let a lady and her kids out in that hot sun plus I try to let her see that I was a gentleman I also gave her a ride home were we talked a little more and I found out that she just move to the surburb and she did not know anyone I told her now she do and plus on top of that she got the job on that note I wish her well and drop her and her kids off because I had to pick up beata from work and she didn't like when I was late, After about a Month have past Gloria and I was cool but I was not ready for her and her kids because I had beata and I did not need for nothing to mess that up Around july 10 the job threw me a birthday pizza party that Saturday I was so fuck up I could do nothing but nod all over the place the good thing that were a sat and only one manager was there and she was my manager so she knew I was going to be drunk that day but she told me to come to work on my day off I was high as a kite but thank God there were any manager there I sat there while everyone came over wishing me happy birthday!They gave me shirt and hat all type of stuff I was on top of the world, Now Gloria came over to ask me what I want for my birthday without knowing I said I would like to see you in a purple underwear! She said that all! I She thought I was kidding but I wasn't so I said it again ? she gave my her phone number and I gave her mine and left it at that later that night after beata went to visted her parent cause she already had my party in june which was ok with me cause I want to be with my family any way? That night me and my dad where down in the basement, where he put some dusty on(record) and crack open a 750 of hen-dog, we were getting drunk as all out door when I told him about Gloria; My dad and I could talk about any thing he said I was drunk but I told him that I had her phone number and I will call her and ask her what see was doing and would she like to come over.About 30 minute later my stepmom was calling me to come get the front door at first look ruth(my step mom) did not like Gloria when she first saw her and that see was some hoo che mommy.The first time my dad some her he was like wow! And his mouth just drop;that my boy and we all hade a drink together after all that fifth of hennsey was not going to get empty without some help because around 10 o' clock my dad was drunk and ruth was calling him upstairs and plus that gave me a chance to be alone with gloria turn out she was a little drunk herself and we fool around with a kiss; her lips was so soft and warm her tongue seduce mine It's was like magic; but she did not give up any booty and I respect that, she was to drunk to drive so I ask her were would she like to go. She whisper happy birth in my ear and gave me the most soft and warm kiss I ever had, my tongue felt as if it was seduce again! There goes the magic and I didn't want to stop, everything got hard I mean everything I had to cool off before I lost control; if you know what I mean! I had to get control, so I said let go for a ride.She said that she had to go over her sister house I didn't know that she had a sister so I was walking her to her car because I had to go home too...but when she almost took a fall ,I told her she was to drunk to drive home ,by me being the perfect gentleman I said that I'll drive you to your sister house ,but let me call my little brother so he can follow me in your car he would love to see your little sister and I know my little brother could handle her little sister after take one look at Gloria ,after picking terry up off walnut and human just as I though he took one look at Gloria and said dam! Where did I meet her . After all the bullshit aside I need you to follow me to her sister house; he said to Gloria your sister look anything like you! she said better! So terry was ready but first he said he need a dope I said go get a jack bo-bo (That the name of the dope) after we done the dope we finally got to my dad house were I drove Gloria car and terry drove mine car.I ask her were her sister live she said out south,I did not know to much about out south but terry did so it's work out for the best.After getting to her sister house Gloria interduce us she said this is my little sister name Tanya. My little brother terry said that was a great name then she told us to come in and have a sit, ,Terry was so high he could hardly hold up his head. I told him to straight up while Tanya and Gloria went to the kitchen to get us something to drink, I said as long as if It was not alcohol because I was a little fuck up from all the drinking at my dad plus the dope! But terry was so high he kept nod all over the place just could not keep his head up for nothing we try to play it off saying that he was tired from work. Tanya ask how old were terry was he told her then nod off again I try to rebound for him by saying he old enough to handle his business. But all he did was doing nod off I was kind of fuck up in the head about it but hey that my little brother if she didn't like him she didn't like me so we can leave. But she let us fall a sleep on her couch until morning. I drop terry off on the nut after getting another blow, Gloria follow me and was getting kind of spook on why I always stop on homan and walnut. But it wasn't until I went to my friend monic house 'my get high buddy'?(my she rest in peace)If she didn't have it I had it so we kept a bound like that so I knew to go over her house because I knew she were going to need a wake up!(Your first dope to get you start on your day)Gloria though that we were girl friend and boy friend like we were fucking but that not the case first she was my older slick girl friend and she always look at me like a brother law.Plus slike still was hitting it off and on that made her not to be fuck with. Just something you don't do, when I got to monic house she got into the car I already had a blow but she want a rock something I never like her doing but I could not stop her. When she got into the car I didn't notice Gloria follow me until she pull on side of me and said is that your bitch, first of all no she not but she is not a bitch and Iam glad she did'nt hear you. I said what it to you anyway, Gloria clam she want me to go shopping with her I saud after Iam done with monic, when we got back to monic house, me and monic went in got high while Gloria waited in her car.After coming out high than a kite, Gloria was still waiting outside I said follow me to k-mart or something once we got into the store she both some tampo and some shampoo e.t.c. I just watch being with her made me feel good not the drug, she said come home with me I said what about her kids, she told me that they were with there father ,I first said no then after taking another look I said why not?She said I have something to show you sound great so we drove all the way to schamburg Ill. Good thing beata was at her parent house. When I got to her house she fix me a drink and went up stair. That gave me a chance to look over the house from the most part every thing look great, but the kitchen need a paint job If I hade to I could live there? After awhile Gloria call me up stair when I got up there I saw a chair sitting in the middle of the floor in a soft voice from the washroom she said have a sit. When she came out the wash room all I saw where purple panties I mean the whole out fit with stocking and all. As I was sitting in the chair she did this lap dance on me and said happy birthday I was shock plus I was standing up and paid attention while I was sitting down: if you know what I mean?I could of fuck her right then and there, but she was not ready yet neither was I but I did have a good time getting to second base.After that I want her so bad!I had to go home, that week beata was tripping because she want to move out of her friend house,who we were sharing an apartment so we were they room mate. I didn't like been over there because ever time something black came up I was the first person they look at you know how white people said my best friend is black I could say that my best friend is white but when a black question came up I was the first person they look at like I was the black dictionary? Plus I want beata to my self without her friend input. So I got this second job at denny part time. One night beata came in looking as good as I first meet her "sweet "That my girl! I was working the 3;30 to 12;00pm night shift she surprise me by coming in I was so happy to see her so I told her to sit in my station I had about an hour to go before I got off. Around 11:30 guess who come in; Gloria I was stuck first of all what how did she know that I work there and what the fuck was she doing there:so I sit her in someone else station trying not to let beata know that I knew this girl, I went back over to beata sit down with her because there was not that many people in the restaurant, Gloria kept calling me over I try my best to not hear her, but I had to do my job, so I went over there? When I went over to Gloria I ask her what the fuck is she doing here! She said wait on you? I said ooh no you not! I told jose to wait on her than I went back to beata, after Gloria kept calling me over beata got mad like who is that> I try my best to play it off but beata was like take me over there and interduce her, I was like that girl dont mean shit to me so she said there wont be a problem for you to interduce me then since you dont know her, as we were walking over to her I was afraid not for beata but for myself.Once we got over to Gloria I said this is my finace beata Gloria said told beata her name and told beata that she work with me at my day job,beata said that good and Gloria start walking toward the door, I though every thing was over half way to the door Gloria turn around and said what about that night at her house and the time I spend with you at your father house for your birthday,she even told her about the kiss.I turn to beata who was looking like she was about to cry or kill me. I said I got a kiss for my birthday but I never hade sex with this lady, beata said your birthday was in june and we spend that day toghter I hope you not talking about that july thing, Gloria said yes july 10 we was toghterI said I love you beata and I never did nothing with this lady, that when Gloria talk about the lap dance I turn to beata and said that I never had sex with her because I love you. Beata said think you did I said the woman is crazy? Then there was this sharp pain in my back I turn around to Gloria that when I heard beata scream! Gloria had this look on her face like dont kill me! When I turn back to beata she said you been stab,at first I was in schock,but after I saw all the blood my mind was saying kill the bitch! My manager was flipping out the customer was looking, I finally pull the knife out of my back then I was going to stab her but beata said dont....My manager call the police and the amburlance came. The police ask me did I want to press any charge after they got my hand from around her neck and beata yelling to me not to kill her. All Gloria was saying Iam soory am soory I was hurt he hurt my heart I said I never even had sex with you what your problem I said I just try to help you out.Once the police got there they ask me did I want to make a complaint, my heart could'nt put a mother of two kids in jail plus i felt as I may had miss lead her, I just said stay away from me, went to the hospital got 14 stiches. Beata was mad but more happy that I didn't get kill and I did not have sex with her.. At this time beata and I was living in itace ILL we had our own apartment. I had three day off of work and beata took care of me while I was at home.After about the second day I got boring and dope sick I just need to leave the house.. so I call Gloria I told her she own me money for my hospital bill, she was crying saying how sorry she was stabing me and that and she had 200 hundred dollars I told her were to meet me at the gas station by the denny's . I know Gloria kept money because she help me get the car that I hade with a check plus I need some dope so that what you call a dope fin move. So I meet her and her cousin charlet at the gas station, they were up there but they was on a flat (go firgure) I told her that I didn't have much time ,where the money? She said that she was on a flat and all she had was the money that she was going to give me been the nice guy that I was I told her to take the tire off and I will take them to the city to get another tire and they can ride .Because at 1;30 beata was going to call me and I had to be home cause she was coming home for lunch and if I was not there I would be and the dog house.Once we were on the road I told Gloria she was out of pocket trying to kill me and I must be crazy to even talking to you, not to mention giving you a ride in my car. Her cousin sharlet kept talk to me about how I hurt her cousin I told her that I was the one to lose blood so dont talk about something you know nothing about and I turn the radio up while Gloria set there looking good and like she want to get fuck? Once I got to the city I took them to the tire shop and told them that I'll be right back I had to go around the corner ,Gloria said you not going to come back I told her you can leaver your cousin and come with me because I was in a rush!I went around the corner got two blows(dope) and came back to take them to there car then call it a day. After doing one I was feeling great so I got the tire fix and back to schamburg I took them and I got to the house before beata even knew anything plus we were going thought some trust issues I didn't make thing any better by not going back to work plus a week later I call Gloria because I knew she kept money. This time she went with me to the spot, she ask me what I was getting cause she use to take her brother to the same spot also that her father use to shoot up; I told her I dont do that I just snoke mine she ask what I was doing that night I said nothint went to her house and I finally made love to her we fuck all night long and that how Tatiana was born.after about two week I got pop off for driving and had to do 15 day in jail. I let my little brother keep my car. While I was lock up I talk to valeria on the phone because she let me talk to renee plus she still love me and I still love her as well thing was fine between us after renee turn 11 years old I know my love live seen mess up with val in the began beata in the middle and Gloria in the end! I love them all? After doing my time I start staying with val and trying to put my life back tighter for about ten month I was cool no dram from Gloria and no beata until the one day Gloria came over to val house looking for me talking about this your baby dam near knocking the door down first of all how did she know where Valerie live but there she was! It's a good thing renee was sleep and val was mad as hell I told Gloria to go home before she went to jail she kept knocking on the door, val was like do something finally I talk val to open the door and we saw the baby she look just like renee when she was a baby, val told me to handle your problem I got Gloria to calm down by promise her that I would take care of my child gave her the kiss and the baby while val was in the back. Valerie was mad but she could not do nothing because she was boring while we were not tighter so I was in the clear plus I really try not to hurt anyone? Later that week I try to put my life tighter back tighter with val and I even ask her to marriage me we went to get the liscense and every thing.A couple of day later Gloria came over to my father house to show them Tatiana, I was staying over there sometime, Once they saw the baby!Gloria and I start talking ,you see Gloria knew my weakness were(money-sex and dope) first she ask did I need some money I said yep! From that time I did not care how it's came as long as it came! After Gloria and I start talking we went to her house and had some drink and listen to some slow jam! I ask her live story why she was so crazy! She start off y saying how see was homeless and all...I felt sorry for her but I was also proud of her so we slept tighter and the next morning which was a saturaday all I want was a dope in my life so we rode to the city val was at work so it's was safe to bring her around to my mother house and show off Tatiana?

After everyone saw the baby they were triping but my brother was like dam she look fine and that body was off the hook! We hang out all that weekend. When Monday came around I ask her what could I do to make her happy? We went down town to get a marriage liscence! Yes! I know that I ask val to marriage me but I thought it just A license and if it's made her happy it a lease I could do .After about a week val found out about the marriage liscense all that was the end.At that time I was tired of bounce around from girl to girl.. I said Iam to old for this shit I was on my way to my dad house when something told me to turn right instead of going straight, so I got on the expressway went to Gloria house with a bag of clothes: once she let me in I been there every since.We had sex talk and listen to dusty all night she was a great mom and she knew house to cook as well.. one day we were in the city and I got fuck up, Gloria and I went down town and she said I ask her to marriage me ,so there we were getting marriage on the 4 of sept 1995. So that became a special day for Gloria. I was in the car doing a dope and Gloria ask me what that stuff do for you< I told her that this dope is nothing to play with dont ever do this..I could beleave that I was marriage I just did it. All I could remember was the judge saying do you take this woman and I said yes...Not only did I marriage the wrong girl but my mother going to think I have went out my mind to marriage the girl that stab in the back and did some many other thing to me I just cant say.Plus I gave her my mother name Gloria scott now that funny? Gloria could wait to show people that we were marriage it like she when on human and walnut and told everyone, While there we were a couple there was nothing or no one could separate we did every thing we went out of town tighter we done every thing tighter every time you saw one there was the other..After 14 years toghter and 4 wonderful kids and been a great mom and a wonderful wife at time I love her and she love me that what keep us tighter.I pick though a thorn bush to find a rose even after I spill blood to pick her out? Until this day she dont know how much I love her and how thankful for my kids Tatiana,Shyann,William jr, and Jalana.. I am a proud dad of five with my oldest Renee and I am a grand father thank to renee and I can say to love once is good but to love twice is something that great cause you know love when you feel it but If I had to do it all over again I would try not to hurt anyone I will all way love val and beata now that they have move on ..Gloria got me under control and but know it my time to shine.Wait to my wife read this she is going to flip.. God Bless you and in kept you save in Jesus name Amen!!

A Look At God Word! 5-3-08

Chapter 5

I hope you learn something from my testimony, If not here a couple pharse from the bible to guide you? But first let me said one thing about love, dont play with love cause it will cause you pain, when you find love treat it like you suppose to like a rose see it for what it is on the inside and not for what on the outside once you treat love right you will feel love and be able to give love back!l

1:3 Grace to you and peace from God our father and the lord Jesus Christ;

1:5 That you were enriched in everything by him in all utterance and all knowledge;

1:10 Now I plead with you brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing and that there be no division among you, but that you be perfect joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment;

1:27 But God has chose the foolish thing of the world to put to shame the wise and God has chose the weak thing of the world to put shame the thing which are mighty;

2:11 For what man know the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the spirit of God;

2:12 Now we have received not the spirit of the world but the spirit who is from God, that we might know the thing that have been freely given to us by God;

3:9 For we are God's fellow workers, you are God's field, you are God building;

3:10 According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation and another build on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it;

3:16 Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the spirit of God dwells in you?

4:10 We are fools for christ's sake, but you are wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are distinquished ,but we are dishonoured;

4:13 Being defamed, we entreat, we have been made as filth of the world, the offscouring of all thing until now;

4:14 I do not write these thing to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you;

5:13 But those who are outside God judges, therefore put away from yourself the evil person!

6:9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers ,nor homosexuals, nor sodomites;

6;19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the holy spirit, who is in you whom you have from God and you are not the own?

7:2 Never the less because of sexual immorality ,let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband:

7:3 Let the husband render to his own wife the affection due her and like wise also the wife to her husband;

7:4 The wife dose not have authority over her own body but the husband does and like wise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does:

7:5 :Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer and come together again that satan dose not tempt you because of your lack of self control;

8:1: Now concerning thing offered to idols: we know that we all have knowledge, Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies;

9:11 If we have sown unto you spiritual thing, is it great thing if we shall reap your carnal thing?

9:16 For If I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, For necessity is laid upon me. Yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel!

10:6 Now these thing because our examples, to the intent that we should not lust after evil thing as they also lusted:

10:21 You can not drink the cup of the lord and the cup of demons; You can not partake the lord's table and of the table of demon;

10:22 Or do we provoke the Lord to jealous? Are we stronger than he!

11;1 I imitate me,Just as I also imitate Christ:

11:2 Now I praise you brethren, that you remember me in all thing and keep the tradition just as I delivered them to you:

11:3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ , the head of every woman is man and the head of Christ is God!;

11:12 For as woman came from man, even so man also came through woman but all thing are from God;

12:3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the spirit of God call Jesus accursed and no one can say that Jesus is the lord except by the Holy Spirit;

12:7 But the manifestation of the spirit is given to each one for the profit of all;

12:8 For to one is given the word of wisdom though the spirit to another the word of knowledge though the same spirit:

12:11 But one and the same spirit work all these thing distributing to each one individually as he will;

12:28 And God has appointed these in the church; First apostles, second prophets, third teacher: after that miracles then gift of healing, help, administrations varieties of tongues;

13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love I have because sounding brass or a clanging cymbal;

13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and knowledge and though I have all faith, so that I can remove mountains but have not love I am nothing;

13:4 Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

13:5 Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked think no evil

13:11 when I was a child I spoke as a child, I understand as a child I though as a child, But when I became a man, I put away my childish things;

13:13 And now abide faith, hope, love these three but the greatest of these is love;

14:9 So like wise you unless you utter by the tongue word easy to understand how will it be known what is spoken? For you will be speaking into the air;

14:19 Yet in the church I would rather speak five word with my understand that I may teach other also then ten thousand word in tongues;

14:37 If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the thing which I write to you are the commandment of the Lord;

14:40 Let all thing be done decently and in order;

15:3 For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received that Christ died for our sins according to scriptures;

15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am and his grace toward me was not I but the grace of God which was with me

15:14 And if Christ is not risen, then our preaching is empty and your faith is also empty;

15:17 And if Christ is not risen your faith is futile, you are still in your sins:

15:21 For since by man came death, by man also came the resurrection of dead;

15:24 Then comes the end when he delivers the kingdom to God the father when he puts an end to all rule and authority one power:

15:25 For he must reign till he has put all enemies under his feet;

15:26 The last enemy that will be destroyed is death;

15:33 Do not be deceived evil company corrupt good habits;

15:34 Awake to righteousness and do not sin for some do not have the knowledge of God I speak this to your shame;

15:42 So also is the resurrection of the dead, the body is sown in corruption it is raise in incorruption;

15:44 It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body there is a natural body and there a spiritual body;

15:50 Now this I say brethren that flesh and blood can not inherit the kingdom of God nor does corruption inherit, incorruption;

15:51 Behold I tell you a mystery, we shall not all sleep but we shall all be changed;

16:13 Watch stand fast in the faith, be brave be strong;

16:14 Let all that you do be done with love;

16:22 If anyone does not love the Lord Jesus Christ, Let him be accursed O'Lord come!

16:23 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you ;

16:24 My love be with you you all in Christ Jesus Amen!

Thank you for take the time to reading God word though my eye I hope you got an understanding as well as a new Faith If not read it again but this time pray first God Bless You!

Chapter 6 5-14-08

It Time For Us To step Up!

What I mean It time for us to stop being selfish, It going to take all of us to save our children, That every man and woman, black , white it don't matter because a bullet don't see race. These kids in this day and time are killer not born but made, you see as I see it they have got out of control and everyone from the age 25 and up need to step up and stop being selfish; that mean stop thinking because it does happen to you that it don't affect you and that it 's not your problem? (wrong) Because soon the blood is going to spill in your neighberhood or on your door step, That when I had this though; what if we all went back to the basic, let just say that we all went back to the 70's when we were kids before, so we know what they want, we know the peer pressure, we know what our parent's raise us with good moral, respect and to know right from wrong? You see back then it took more than our parent to raise us it took a community; Miss Williams from next door and Miss Logan from down the street; All we have to do is come toghter. Because if you like me you are tired, just tired of all the suffering and all the killing and always being without year after year in the same spot struggling to get by, some how some way you have to shake the devil hand! I know you are saying how helping our kids going to help us? Because once we show them the hard work and the respect for other the most important that God is with them and that God have not gave up on them;Just maybe we can save one or even more...Just to show them that being reward for doing bad is not the way;(so if you go out to rob someone of five hundred dollar is not a come up but a fast way down )That more of a punsinment that God don't like ugly; because once you get caught you get 10 years in jail for five hundred dollar that you can never get back or maybe never make it out of jail; Now for some of you who think jail is nothing let me be the first one to say maybe that were you suppose to be; cause I don't wise jail on anyone! Jail is not bulid for a man nor a woman but more for an animal because the way that you are treated in jail is like an animal in a cage first they take your freedom then they take away your man hood and your way of living;not to be able to walk to the store or go to the washroom when you want to and when you are doing time in jail so is your family or your wife and kids because they have to come see you they have to go thought been search and told were to go and when to leave not only just to see you for 15 or 30 min but to go home know that you are not there to watch over them or there to help them but they have to help you with money order,letter and hopefully a phone call maybe twice a week if they could affored it; because let me be the first to tell you the phone bill is going to get cut off if you try to call home every day?Now after the ten years in jail you are a little older and the world have change since you been gone!I know Iam tired of going to jail Iam tired of putting my family though the same old shit year after year;let do something different;Iam not that dumb to bump into the same old wall over and over again;It's time to show people that you are better then they think! You are not wash up and you know how to do more then just sell drug or steal! That we were lost soul but now that we are found; They just can't keep throw us in jail; cause we sold drug and did drug before; because we have rob before and stolen that don't make us unchangeable? It's time to show the world that we are not going to give up on ourself and that God have not gave up on us as well; and we for dam sure going to give up on ours kids not by a long shot... It's time for us to step up on our game and be the man and woman that our parent raise us to be and what God put us on this earth to do that is to raise our kids to be in his son image, not perfect but strong enough to be soldier in his army! It's time for each of us to get mad, to get up and make thing happen to better ourself at any mean necessary, to save our children and to build God army; and to do what we are suppose to do .. Reproduce, Raise and Rebuild.. We all have to step up; Let say' where do we start, when ever thing is so corrupt! When everyone in there own world, how do one person, get the word out? Guess how , you guess right when you said write a book! That way you can get alot of people on the same page, now that one person become many, now that one person can be heard and that the second step after that we all can began from the home , to the community, to the world step three? That why we have to step up because when the government or what every took the man out of the house hold, that left the woman to raise the kids along , once the man were gone where do you think that child going to go to when mommy at work or in school herself, trying to get put food on the table without the father there? Only one place to go and that is the street where they can run wild, just to get suck up by evil! Now we have to get the man back into the house hold and get ours kids off the street we have to get this done together quickly, before our kids end up where the father at: that jail or a lost soul and in some case dead! First of all let work on getting the father out of jail and find the lost soul that end up in cook country jail where there is enough man there to make a community by itself! It's strange to say that there are some good men in jail that just was trying to make it in a world where the poor have no hope and lost faith that shaking the devil hand become almost impossibility to let go! How do I know because Iam one of them that where lost in cook country jail where I have never seen such a courrpt place in my life, Take me for instead now I know that if I drive a car and get caught?(pop my ass) That the chance I take! That were Iam guilty of but when it's come to drug I haven't had a drug case since the 80"s or early 90"' that how long it's have been? But to get caught with one bag; as they said on the police report is just not going to happen ?Because for one I would never get caught with one bag because I would put that up my nose so quick that they would need a blood test to recover any drug on me at all !.That a joke! Now let me tell you the real way that the cook country system work; Let just said that you are getting off work and are walking down the street to get to your house where they sell drug and you know people that do sell drug so when you walk by them; they say what up and give you a hand shake; Now here come the police who see you walking by in your uniform; who pop you off a couple of years ago and know that you have got caught with drug before and that you are going straight but he search you anyways and could not find any thing on you but all of a sudden he find a bag on the ground or from where ever: Hear were thing get tricky! He arrest you and make a bougus police report that said that he found the bag on you and once you in the system they got you! First of all you have to stay lock up until bond court the next day where the judge set the bond according to your back ground which the state have in front of them so let said $50.000.00. Where you have to come up with 10% which you don't have because you where getting by pay check to pay check, after waiting three week until your next court date? Now there goes a man who try to change out of the house hold,all because one corrupt police and one corrupt system find himself back in jail that mean his 13 year old son, who he hade a control is left out there without a father! The mother have to step up get another job or something, that leave Jr to good wild and the same street that his father went to jail on<become his play ground where he's looking for that father figure who do he find pookie the dope dealer, know can you see! Back in jail, After three week the father goes to perlimary; Where the judge, the state and that courrupt police officer standing ther with your so call public defender. After the police officer tell his story that dont even match what in the police report first he said he found the bag on the ground but in the police report it's said found on him, plus the drug come back as nothing...Now with all this going in the father way they still find proberable cause all because of your back ground now the father get swift away with another court date which is in a month or so. Within such time your so call public defender going to come to you with the state offer that said take the conviction do 61 day and get back home and you take because you as the father know how courrpt the system is and know that there a chance you will set in cook country jail for that amount of time anyway, you take the deal!Now a public defender told me herself that The Judge and The state all get there paid check at the same place? Go figure! Now back to the lost soul in jail here the father is trying to keep his family toghter but there is only so much you can do in jail being lock up and all> the wife tell you how jr is going wild, one he's mad that his father lock up plus peer pressure is a mother fucker, that cause jr to get caugh up in the drug game, now he popping x pill. All in thirty day? And you going though what you have to go through in jail plus to here that you family is falling apart just can make a father lose hope and snap, but you have to be strong not just because you are in jail but cause you have to get out of jail and get your family out of jail as well. You start to look at everything from the start at how you got arrest how you could of went this way or that way, every thing start to go to your head, how you are take away from your family('Like back in the slayery days when we were on a ship') how your son is going wild and how your wife is trying her best to hold on because she haven't told you that you are about to become a father again. Well some people may look at this story and said well he was a drug dealer before; or they will be o-k, he only got to do thrity more days! I look at this story and said you see how we all Hugging God While Shaking The Devil Hand! From the police, the states, the judge, and your so call public defender up to your father the lost soul... All we have to do is let go! God be with us all; Amen!

Let look at the flip side to that story! 5-5-08

Chapter 7

On the other hand you take that same lost soul, who use to be a drug dealer: Now he trying to work to support his wife and two kids one 13yrs old and a newborn> He live in the same neighbourhood where he use to sell drug and where the courrupt police office that arrested 2yrs ago see him all the time, but this time with his family and that he have left that drug life behind him and move on..Now that same police office ask the father is everything going right in his life and what could he do to help him and the father said his job and look over at pookie selling drug on the corner and smile! Now that he take on the life as a men the childless stuff done play a roll in his up bringing. He have put that behind him as time goes by his 13yrs old get in a little trouble at school: The boy knew that he was wrong, so when the father get home first they talk then come the ass whopping! After ware the father tell him that the whopping him hurt him more. Plus let him know the error of his ways> Now the son respect the father more for his love and respect himself that he know that if he do wrong that something bad is going to happen. As a result The wife respect the husband as well for being the man of the house. Now they have became as one, so when his little sister grow up she would be taught the same way. She would know that doing wrong that she would get a whopping.. Know as life goes on the 13yrs olds he's goes out on the street of the Westside of Chicago ILL.. The other kids see him doing good, some follow, some hate, So after school the good kids have to hangout at the same place the bad kids have to because the boy club was full and there was no commuties center in the neighbourhood; only the play ground, that where everything goes down, drug dealing, getting high,etc...All the time the father see this and know that it's a matter a time before the force that be will get to his son.. So the father have to do something quickly before his son get caught up in the drug or gang. So the father come up with this get rich quick idea! All he have to do is come up with enough money, so that he can move his family off the Westside of Chicago! All he have to do is flip one time! So off to the races.. First he take $500.00 dollard to buy the cocain(The work) cook it up, then bag it and put it out there to get sold and hope for the best.. Now he didn't want to get back in the game because he really hate doing it. But for his family he would do anything to save them especially his 13yrs olds son; Now even though the son knew< the father keep his son away from that life style and kept him in school...So that he would not do as his father!The son listen to what his father said, because he see what his father is going though, with dealing with the crack head, the police, the stick up man and everything else that goes with selling drug. The son see the worry look in his father eyes and the frustration when he come home; trying to hold a job and sell drug is hard work, Sooner then later something bad is bound to happen, because the two just don't mix ,it's like mixing oil and water ;As time goes on the wife is telling the father to stop, she don't want to lose him like two years ago, but being the man that he is just had to keep on going! One day after work he goes to check out the spot to see how much money could he pick up, there he see his worker and they come up to him to give him $200.00 and ask for more work; after asking them how many they have on them they said 2 more bag, as soon as they said that a police beam down on them; the worker drop the 2 bag in the car then run off, but grab the father before he could get rid of the 2 bags. Now the father get caught with 2 bags plus $200.00 dollars. The father know that he's fuck, with his back ground he's out of there! Just as he were being put in the police car his son turn the corner to see his father get put away. The first thing he do is run to tell his mother, she was piss off also worry, first thing she do is pray; the son tell his mother not to worry everything will be alright, he will take care of everything; After all his father have install in his son what right and what wrong, respect and have to be a young man: While his father is at the police station been book, when he get to bond court due to his back ground the judge give him a $50.000.00 bond which he have to come up with 10% once he got that news he call his wife to let her know what going, she is crying and all upset, the first word come out of her mouth is I told you this was going to happen the one thing the father don't want to hear! Trying to keep his head is tell his wife that thing going to be alright letting her know that he need for her to be strong; First he tell her to call his job to let them know that he had an family emergency and that he going to need a couple of day off, second he need for her to take the little money that he have safe(not enough to bond him out) but to get him a lawyer(whoo, bop the bang)The wife let him know that she have his back, and that his son and daughter miss him already as she cry out the word I love you. Trying to keep from crying himself the father say I love you too and bye! Well it's three week before his next court date all of a sudden time go by real slow. The father try to stay away from all the jail house bull-shit, like the gang banger ,the gambling and all that catch 22 shit e..t..c. Another brother come up to him and ask do he need prayer, The father accept because he need all the praying that he can get, so they pray and they keep praying all the time while he is lock up! The father even find time to read the bible. He ask GOD to forgive him for his sin then he accept JESUS as his life as his saver, so as his court date get closer and closer, here come the jail house lawyer telling him to accept a cop out(take a offer from the states) for three years. He tell them that he have pray on it and left it in the hand of GOD! The time for court finally come up and in court he have the police, the states, the judge and his so call public defender. First the states read off the charges and his public defender tell the judge that he is a father of two and that he have a wife and a job which he have held down for two years.. The judge ask the states for the back ground and the states reply that he have two drug conviction five years ago and that did the state have any reconmandation which they reply three years, at that time your public defender agure that the father didn't get caught with any drug and that the money he had was from his job and that he was a just in the wrong place at the wrong time; The father ask the judge for 2min of his time at that time the so call public defender try to tell him to be quite at the shock of the father the judge said yes.. First the father said in JESUS name the father say to the judge that if you look at my past you will see that Iam a drug dealer and that something that he not proud of but this time all I was trying to do is move my family from the Westside of Chicago, now I know that Iam not perfect and that I fall short of the glory of GOD and that Iam a sinner, but Iam trying to do the right thing; that is to raise my daughter and my son who's happen to be 13 years old and doing good which Iam proud, but it's hard to keep him from making the mistake that I have made in that neighbourhood.. All I want to do is to be able to provide for my family and to raise my son and daughter and I need your help to keep doing the right thing..The judge said to the father Iam going to give you the chance by sentence you to 2 years probation and a $200.00 fine: The father was so thankful that he cry tear just was flowing from his eye and his wife, his son was happy with relief..He was free, now he had another chance to do it right..This time his faith was restore just as he was losing hope God have made him stronger and he still have his job..GOD is GOOD; That he is! Now some people may look at this story and say luck, some look at it and say so what; But if you really want to know what happen in that court room was GOD work and some people call that a blessing! You see what happen when we are Hugging God and Shaking the Devil hand! All we have to do is let go; God will take care of you, all you have to do is believe in him, have faith and accept Jesus as your personal saver, just that easy! God Bless and keep you AMEN...

CHAPTER 8 5-05-08

JOHN:

1:1 IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD, AND THE WORD WAS WITH GOD AND THE WORD WAS GOD:

1:3 ALL THING WERE MADE THOUGH HIM AND WITHOUT HIM NOTHING WAS MADE, THAT WAS MADE:

1:12 BUT AS MANY AS RECEIVED HIM, TO THEM HE GAVE THE RIGHT TO BECOME CHILDREN OF GOD, TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN HIS NAME:

1:21 AND THEY ASKED HIM WHAT THEN? ARE YOU ELIJAH? HE SAID IAM NOT ARE YOU THE PHOPHET? AND HE ANSWERED NO:

1:34 AND I HAVE SEEN AND TESTIFIED THAT THIS IS THE SON OF GOD:

2:1 ON THE THIRD DAY THERE WAS A WEDDING IN CANA OF GALILEE, AND THE MOTHER OF JESUS WAS THERE:

2:3 AND WHEN THEY RAN OUT OF WINE, THE MOTHER OF JESUS SAID TO HIM; THEY HAD NO WINE:

2:9 WHEN THE MASTER OF THE FEAST HAD TASTED THE WATER THAT WAS MADE WINE, AND DID NOT KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM.(BUT THE SERVANTS WHO HAD DRAWN THE WATER KNEW) THE MASTER OF THE FEAST CALLED THE BRIDEGROOM:

3:3 JESUS ANSWERED AND SAID TO HIM "MOST ASSUREDLY I SAY TO YOU,UNLESS ONE IS BORN AGAIN,HE CANNOT SEE THE KINGDOM OF GOD":

3:5 JESUS ANSWERED" MOST ASSUREDLY.I SAID TO YOU UNLESS ONE IS BORN OF WATER AND THE SPIRIT, HE CANNOT ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD":

3:6 THAT WHICH IS BORN OF THE FLESH IS FLESH, AND THAT WHICH IS BORN OF THE SPIRIT IS SPIRIT:

3:11 MOST ASSUREDLY I SAY TO YOU. WE SPEAK WHAT WE KNOW AND TESTIFY WHAT WE HAVE SEEN AND YOU DO NOT RECEIVED OUR WITNESS:

3:19 AND THIS IS THE CONDEMNATION, THAT THE LIGHT HAS COME INTO THE WORLD AND MEN LOVED DARNESS RATHER THAN LIGHT, BECAUSE THERE DEED WERE EVIL:

3:20 FOR EVERYONE PRACTICING EVIL HATE THE LIGHT AND DOES NOT COME TO THE LIGHT, LESS HIS DEED SHOULD BE EXPOSED:

3:21 BUT HE WHO DOES THE TRUTH COME TO THE LIGHT,THAT HIS DEED MAY BE CLEARLY SEEN, THAT THEY HAVE BEEN I GOD:

3:15 THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE:

3:16 "FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, THAT WHO EVER BELIEVE IN HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE":

3:27 JOHN ANSWERED AND SAID. A MEN CAN RECEIVE NOTHING UNLESS IT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO HIM FROM HEAVEN:

3:33 HE WHO HAD RECEIVED HIS TESTIMONY HAS CERTIFIED THAT GOD IS TRUE:

3:36 HE WHO BELIEVES IN THE SON HAS EVERLASTING LIFE AND HE WHO DOES NOT BELIVEV THE SON SHALL NOT SEE LIFE, BUT THE WRATH OF GOD ABIDES ON HIM:

4:23 BUT THE HOUR IS COMING AND NOW IS,WHEN THE TRUE WORSHIPERS WILL WORSHIP THE FATHER IN SPIRIT AND TRUTH; FOR THE FATHER IS SEEKING SUCH TO WORSHIP HIM:

4:24 GOD IS SPIRIT; AND THOSE WHO WORSHIP HIM MUST WORSHIP IN SPIRIT AND TRUTH:

4:34 JESUS SAID TO THEM, MY FOOD IS TO DO THE WILL OF HIM WHO SENT ME AND TO FINISH HIS WORK:

4:45 THEN JESUS SAID TO HIM, UNLESS YOU PEOPLE SEE SIGNS AND WONDERS YOU WILL BY NO MEANS BELIEVE:

5:19 THEN JESUS ANSWERED AND SAID TO THEM; MOST ASSUREDLY I SAY TO YOU THE SON CAN DO NOTHING OF HIMSELF BUT WHAT HE SEES THE FATHER DO; FOR WHATEVER HE DOES THE SON ALSO DOES IN LIKE MANNER:

5:20 FOR THE FATHER LOVES THE SON AND SHOWS HIM ALL THING THAT HE HIMSELF DOES; AND HE WILL SHOW HIM GREATER WORK THAN THESE, THAT YOU MAY MARVEL:

5:25 MOST ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, THE HOUR IS COMING AND NOW IS WHEN THE DEAD WILL HEAR THE VOICE OF THE SON OF GOD; AND THOSE WHO HEAR WILL LIVE:

5:29 AND COME FORTH- THOSE WHO HAVE DONE GOOD, TO THE RESURRECTION OF LIFE; AND THOSE WHO HAVE DONE EVIL, TO THE RESURRECTION OF CONDEMNATION:

21:18 MOST ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER; YOU GIRDED YOURSELF AND WALKED WHERE YOU WISHED; BUT WHEN YOU ARE OLD, YOU WILL STRETCH OUT YOUR HANDS, AND ANOTHER WILL GRID YOU AND CARRY YOU WHERE YOU DO NOT WISH:

21:25 AND THERE ARE ALSO MANY OTHER THING THAT JESUS DID, WHICH IF THEY WERE WRITTEN ONE BY ONE , I SUPPOSE THAT EVEN THE WORLD ITSELF COULD NOT CONTAIN THE BOOK THAT WOULD BE WRITTEN;AMEN:

AS YOU READ GOD WORDS AND READ MY TESTIMONY, SEE WHAT GOD HAVE DONE FOR ME, LOOK BACK ON YOUR LIFE AND YOU COULD SEE WHAT GOD HAVE DONE FOR YOU; THE FIRST THING GOD WAS WOKE US UP THIS MORNING AND PUT THIS BOOK INTO YOUR LIFE, SO THAT YOU COULD READ IT AND TAKE THE BLESSING; NOT ONLY FOR YOURSELF, BUT FOR OTHER AND MYSELF; YOU SEE THAT YOU ALREADY STARTED ON YOUR JOUREY TO HELPING SAVING GOD CHILDREN AND SAVING YOURSELF; DON'T STOP! TELL A FRIENDS AND TELL NON- FRIENDS; IT'S JUST THAT EASY, GOD BE WITH YOU KEEP YOU STRONG AND I THANK YOU; FOR YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE IN MY PRAYER AS WELL; KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND YOUR REWARD WILL BE WHAT GOD HAVE FOR US ALL; EVERLASTING LIFE! IN JESUS NAME I PRAY; AMEN:

THE WAY I SEE IT. (A DREAM) 5-06-08

CHAPTER 9 Last night I had this dream; that when I was young about 6 or 7 years old. About 5 of us came toghter to bulid a go- cart and we were going to race aganist other block who were building there go-cart, so on each block there were a group of boy trying to build the best go-cart; each of us had a part to do, one had to find the wheel and another had to find the nail and so on, and some how we all got it ready for the big race,just as the other block were doing.. It's funny because as I could remember when people saw that a group of boy were coming toghter to build a go-cart something good, they all try to help us, I mean Mrs Jackson help by giving the wheel and there was Miss Logan who gave some old wood that she had laying around, they all gave us the tool we need it to get the job done; and the day of the big race, It's wasn't about who won the race but the finished prouduct, the compertation was tough, and you had your joke and laughter, but there was not any player hater type of stuff, the most was a little pushing and shovelling and that was it. Even the little kids were trying where trying to do there thing, the whole block were out there cheering us on. That was kind of funny to me cause it where like something you see on t.v but there was all sort of people coming toghter for one cause(Good) to bulid something and to see what they have bulid?Now you look at those same boys trying to steal a car, and you see how time have change! It's funny cayse you have the same boys, same block and the same people; only thing different thing is instead of something good there something bad. People don't support you when you out there doing bad, you get no tool from Mrs Jackson and Miss Logan can't stand your ass! So without the tool the mind become idol; and we all know what a idol mind is who's workshop the Devil? You see now and days there are nothing for a 6yrs or 13yrs old boy have to do on the west side of Chicago but to see his neighbourhood pimp, drug dealer, and dope fin when he get out of school! Now of day you have rapper to add to the game and all the bling-bling the influent on our kids is so powerful, make it's hard for a hard working mother to have control over by herself when the father is away or even when the father is around, You see as I see it we have lost sight of what real and what material, but what we need to do is to get back to what importation, the simple thing. The thing that matter the most, what God put us on earth as human being and that is to RAISE, REBULID, and to REPROUDCE! Now that might sound as if that alot to do, but when you add REPENT and RESPECT, you kind of see the picture? Because with the Raise> It's like the beganing, you have to teach the word, you have to nutrition until it's become strong enough to Rebulid>to go out on your own, with what you have learn then be able to Reproudce> to be able to give birth to your own where it's can grow to raise his own.Now you add Repent> where you give God thank and your life for forgiven you for your sin, that Respect> for God given his only begotten son so that we can be born in the spirit and the truth so that we can live life to be able to raise! Those to me are the five element to life, and to live by them is to live in the light to be in the light is the true in that is God words. It's not as hard as we think if two or more praise his name and there God will be. Now that we all are on the same beat it's sound good, much better then everyone trying to beat there own drum..If you see the world for what is good in you, is better because you were not born evil, from the first time you came out of your mother womb you were love, wheather it's were tough love there was love, even if you didn't like it, someone had to feed you , change you pamper, and to hold you with love and care, as you grew older you might lost sight of that love cause you are older enough to take of yourself, but that was love that got you to be able to do that and the best way to feel love again is to have someone who you have to give that same love to, if you have your own baby or someone else try to Raise it on your own, once you hold one , feed one and give it's the tool to get strong enough to be able to take care of itself, protect it's, love it's and that life, once you feel life, you have seen the light and to see the light is to see the truth and the truth is God! Now that up to you to put the gun down, stop the gang banging, hold off on the drug, see that was fun when you was a child, but now it's have got out of control; It's time to step up! It's to let the devil hand go, stop being selfish and see what you Raise to become as you was Raise! In Jesus Name "Amen"!

By the way we lost the race but we had fun doing it; that life!

A DOPE FIN DREAM: 5-06-08

CHAPTER 10 (PART 1)

It started the first time I got high(did drug) somewhere around the age of 13 years or close to 14 as possible; well me, my brother, cousin and our best friends first start off by drinking beer and whisky: We drank before school after school and between school as well; That what everyone was doing around where I grew up grapping a 40oz of old English going to the park was the shit, back then! Even though we drank we did go to school; some more than other; By the time I was in high school we gradurate, not from high school but from drinking and smoking weed up to smoking leaf(pcp) then cocain until I got to herion; If it had getting high at the end of it we probably have done it. Now all the time we all would meet up in the basement of our house on walnut before school, my mother would be gone out early; all we had to do is make sure our little sister and little cousin got to school o-k then the party was on; first there would be twiggy and harry would come with something to drink, sweet roll from down the block and my two cousin from upstair! We would all put up money to see how much we had on getting high; that how it's all got started a couple of 20 dollar bag of weed and a couple blow(herion)some drink and a 40oz or two then we would get fuck up around 8am or 9am in the moring; By the time we was ready for school around division time we were stone! Only thing we had to do were report to school for division that the way they kept attendance around that time so that our mother would not get a phone call from school; because we all fear that if our parent found out that we were not going to school that there would be hell to pay; All it took for one of us to get caught; like if sweet roll mom found out he was not going, she would tell my mom than my mom would tell harry and twiggy mom then our cousin next thing you know we all would be getting our butt woop! So every one had to go to school at least division? Plus the old G's would catch us not in school then put a beating one us too;After school was the hustler time, we all had to make money to support our habit,plus to buy us shoe and clothes; so every body did something, some was robber, some sold drug , some snatch gold chain,some sold drug, but me and harry stole car, we all so had to go to the store for the old people in the neighbourhood to make us look like good kids we always gave them there respect; no matter what we stole from car, chain, cloth, whatever we would hustler off there were always respect about want you do; I got so good at stealing that I was stealing everything I could get my hand on harry and I was the best at that; He was my best friend any time you saw one there would be the other we became as thick as thief toghter like brother could nothing serperate us; My partner in crime; you saw him and I was right next to him! Harry and I use to sit in the car and get high and ask ourself what if this car was our and what would we be doing if we was not in a gang and not doing drug; It funny looking back on it we never gave each other an answer;we just kept on getting high; First of all let me said that before I went to steal a car I always pray to God before I did anything; I learn that from my father, after he would get drunk he would say a little prayer before driving us home.I pray to God to watch over my brother and mt friends I also learn from the time when we were little our grandmother would take us to church; we would go to church from 8am until 10pm that whole Sunday; that was alot of church and it's not like we didn't need it. My grandmother(moth- dear) God rest her soul; was the greastest she first raise my mother and our 12 uncle and aunt; she alsao had a power influnice on my life as well as my oldest daughter, one day she told me that I was going to be a preacher; saying powerful word to me, stuck with me until today; It was the way she said them that caught my attention; I would always drop my daughter off there and she would keep her for me; she love her some renee Just on this one day I came to drop renee off; she stop me, normally I would be on the run, I just could be still always on the move I talk quick and I move the same way So I was trying to talk fast to get out of the door and she said slow your long head but down? That the nick name my family gave me "long head fred" She said that I have a beautiful daughter and a beautiful heart as well and that I was going to be a preacher looking me right in my eyes and I saw myself as she saw me, that crazy! But true: Eyery since then I have been having weird dream; like I was going to be speaking to alot of people; like everyone was going to hear me when I talk, instead of asking me what did I say? Because I get that alot too..But getting high push those dream into the dark; As I would get older life kept surprise me, I would get caught for someone eles crime; like the time harry stole a car, but he told me that it was not stolen so I ask for a ride to school; once the police got behind us I said pull over and that when he said that the car was stolen; we went for a high speed chase from the west side of Chicago all the way to markham IL; he bellout of the car and get away, I on the other hand stay in the car after the car roll into some lady front room, just tore her house up; I get caught go to jail I was only 16 years old I got my ass whoop for week and I had to do about one in juvenile jail, got kick out of school and my liscence number revoke for 10 years I didn't even have a liscence That how my driving record got so screw up until this day! After that I was fuck! Getting kick out of high school was bad! If it was not from the fact that I marriage val and had renee I would bought the bullet a long time ago(but no that was a sin) No going to heaven if you commit sucide: After that I got more high then ever; I start doing drug by myself; which that was something we never done; I start not caring about nothing not even myself; It's seen as no matter what I did or how hard I try thing would just go wrong, every thing was going wrong until I was about 20 years old with a wife and kid I try to do right I stop getting high I start working two job support the family and all that stuff even stay away from the gang; It was like everything I try to do I could never finish nothing; It's was like everything I did something would pull me right back down; even my family , drug , friend, or even myself; until the day I took my GED I pass I could not believe it> I was happy then a fag in a gay bar? That I had to tell everyone; because where I came from that was a big thing especially if you were kick out of high school; until I got to tell my mom and dad I don't know what happen; but it was bad because could no one share in my joy; not even my wife only my little daughter" she said good job dad" I guess when you done so much bad that when you finally do something good people is tired of hearing what you say any more,So you take what little joy you get and move on! So I got high again by myself; let me tell you that the getting high by yourself is no joke getting high period is no punk; but by yourself can kill you; It's not being cheap but plan stupid; First of all you increase you habit, cause you are doing a whole bag? You spend more money; because there no one to go half with you? It's just plan stupid to get high then start talking to yourself; Looking back on it all; That was Crazy! Doing drug keep you in the dark, you always try to do a dope fin move; Like take a risk on walking in the store to steal something; a dope fin move is just walking in the store and walking right back out with the merch; You just don't care< doing dope make you cheat on your wife; known if she found out you are dead not to mention hurt her as well as yourself and your family? I only fool around but that was bad enough; probably while val left me! God Bless Amen!

DOPE FIN DREAM (PART 2) 5-08-08

CHAPTER 11 I get about 30 years old; you think that I would give up getting high and all the suffering? But no! Iam still a dope fin, even after my second wife (Gloria) and my second daughter(Tatiana). You thing that I would slow down, but not with dope; some how once you are in the dark it's try to keep you there! I have try so many time to do right; I would go to work and stop getting high for a moment, until my first pay check; I was what you call a function able dope fin; I would go to work then get high after work I did that until my third daughter(shyann)"I know not a boy yet! After losing about two job and two cars then going to jail for traffic so many time, It's seen like I was going to jail every week, all because I didn't have any license! I still haven't learn my lesson yet; I though dope was not my problem, I was going to keep getting high as long as I had the money or the skill to get the money there was nothing going to stop me! "You see" It's take a lot to get that bag of dope; with the war on drug each time you get it that could be your last time or your last ten dollars; First thing you have to do is get the money? Some time you don't have that pay check to spend on drug, So you have to become a hustler; to do what you got to do; In my case I was a thief, I could steal anything that was not nail down, that how good I was; I could go into any store and steal something that going to get me some money(Raido, T.V and I-pod) anything; I was good at just tell me what you want then I would go get it; Second I had to drive to the city to get the dope, since I stay in the surburd(Hoffman estates IL) which was about 40 min away, but I could get there in 30 my be quicker,You had to take the chance on getting out of the car at the spot, then you hope that the dope is good, or take a change of getting whop?( sold you something that was not dope) or hope that they are working on the spot; Thrid was the police; some time they work the spot or watching who ever walking from the spot; so you park your car a block away and sometime the kids might be with you; so you don;t want to get caught up, not at all.that the chance you take every time you go get a bag of dope! So we would watch each other back, I know you are saying why I said we, because at this time my wife and I was getting high; I hate the fact that she doing it, but that what she want to do I told her that dope was nothing to play with, and me trying to tell my wife what not to do is like pulling teeth? Now you have two parent on drug was not going to work; back to the praying; I ask God to take the taste of dope out of me and my wife life; I don't feel like doing drug any more, I don't feel right doing drug with my wife; now I see the problem that drug can have over you and your life; once my wife start doing drug thing got bad; money wise, and the house hold was falling apart; I had to stop and figure out a way to get my wife to stop as well; It's going to be hard because I been doing drug for 15 years and my wife start to like doing dope. The problem that I face every day basic; a struggle in all matter,It seen that I can't do nothing right!

A DOPE FIN DREAM (PART 3) 5-08-08

CHAPTER 12

First of all I pray more and more each day: on my knee, while driving, walking, where every! It's was not until my only son william scott jr;(J-money) was born, I knew I had to stop; William jr was born and had to stay in the hospital for two week; because of the methdom;"not dope" that my wife was doing; what the doctor told her to take, because my wife would all stop when she was with child; she did what the state told her to do and the result was shocking! Now my son was going though with- draw; and to see my son lying there just made me cry,It's hurt when you see your own child fight to stay alive; change a person;the doctor did't know If he was going to die or what, only time could tell; If a certain number got down to low on that machine would be all that we were looking at; that the way thing goes! So I pray to God for his help, I pray for my son and my wife, I ask God not to take my son away and for his forgiven and I also thank God for all that he have done for me; I pray to God to help me stop doing drug; I know I could not stoppot that day but I was going to stop, no matter what? Thank God william jr got better; I stop doing drug that Sunday; So did my wife: God is Good; Some people might see that what was done was all me and the doctor;" But No" God have show me how he work and Iam A true believe; So week went by and william jr got better and stronger and my wife and I was doing fine ourself; No more being dope sick that when you cant eat anything because you are throw up from the front and the back you can't hold your own bow,shitting on yourself is not good at all. I know some people might say that nothing but for me that was everything week after week my wife and I live as if we were a couple again instead of drug partner not get high buddy; I wish this could keep going but as you know all good thing not doing good will turn back bad?I mean we stop getting high, but we start doing other thing like writing bad check,stuff of that natural, plus we was drinking going out having fun; until that day of a party; all it took was one bag and off to the races again; now we where back down; But i never forgot that prayer that I pray to God; that stay in my head; I knew God was not going to bless me as long as if I was getting high? We was barely making , I kept losing job and car; going to jail I was a total wrack; I got depress and just plan old misaerable; until I was out of jail for a couple of mounth and my wife miss her period;I though all I need is another kid right! Well here come number five(Jalana) Iam like is this a blessing or what; O" course! Only God can bless you with something good, so beautiful, so incense; All that time my wife was taking suboxcan it's was a drug that they give you instead of methodom; they call it the quick fix, that you would detox without getting sick? But I was still getting high; One day my wife gave me a suboxtion; Iam like this little pill is not going to stop me from getting high; but it's work' I could not believe it; I said that they should give this to every body that get high; So I was doing the suboxing; I stop going to the city as much I got a job, even got my little brother a job so terry was happy and I could think clearly; my mother and father though some thing was wrong with me;cause I would not come over as much. I start doing the father with my kids, taking them to school and help them out with there home work stuff of that nature. I also spend quality time with my wife, not that we don't spend time toghter, but doing little stuff for her, like talking with her about stuff that she like, sort of getting to know her a little better. I love my wife, she have been with me for over 10 years and gave me four wonderful kids and have stood by me though the hard time and the even harder time! She is so strong, just beautiful and great looking, the best mother I have been with for over ten years. There were time when we were getting high that we share one bag, which was nothing to us, now that we both know better one bag is too much.God is good and you can't play with him at all, Let me tell you!I haven't done drug in weeks, Iam in the house looking for a job on the computer, plus Iam trying to get over been depress, for real. Not having money can cause to slip into a depress stage, not knowing were you going to get your next dollar or how many time you can tell your kids that daddy don't have any money, sometime heart breaking, enough to make you depress. Now I was not working and I didn't have any income and my daughter Tatiana birthday was coming up and she what a ice cream party, I couldn't tell her no, because my wife and my self always gave our kids what every kind of party they ask for on there birthday.Well this time a ice cream party not much to ask for, but me without money it'sseen as if it was a million dollar. My wife told me to come up with half, whice was only fifty dollar and a I-pod. I said sure? I had to do my part, I when to a store and stole some clothes and some shoe, I was pretty good at stealing stuff like that. I sold the clothes and the shoe and both a I-pod and had $70 dollars over after the fifty dollars, I had a whooping $20 dollars left. It was a nice day outside and I saw my little brother, I pray to God to help me not to get high, but the fact that I was on the west side of Chicago and that I was not strong enough, cause I only been off drug for about two week. The devil just took over me,telling me that do one bag not going to kill you plus you can stop when you want to and that your little brother you can't let him get sick. After that I said get in the car and off we went to the dope spot, Just that quick! I stop at the spot,got out, went to get two bags, got back in the car and drove off, That influence my wife to do some dope too, so I gave her and my little brother a bag to share and I took the other one for myself., as I was driving back on human and walnut, my wife said that she need something to drink,she gave me three dollar so that I could get a beer for myself, I got out of the car couldn't wait to get back in the car to do my dope I took mine with me and start to do mine on the way to the store as soon as I took that first snoke a police car was coming down the street, so I took the last little smoke and that when the police office got out the car and ran over to me and grap my hand, pop my ass! He didn't find any drug on me, but he said that he saw me doing some, so off to jail I went. Now that was 4/16 tata birthday party was coming up on that saturday (which I miss)Once I was in jail I had a warrent for an old traffic case, so I got 45 day sentence. Now that was God doing, first I got what I pray for,second Jail was not as bad as it look, cause by the 4/23 the light came on and I caught the Holy Spirit and Iam writing a book, Sometime God take you throught something so that you can get to where you are trying to go!Since the first time I got high I had this dream finally it came true, I stop getting high at least for 45 days,I don't know what the future going to be nor do I know why God have bless me with the knowledge to write this book, But I can said with all confidence that drug will not have a hold on me, nor my wife and that God plan will be done.I

THANK GOD for having a hold on me and that I could let the devil hand go. IN JESUS NAME A-MEN!

A TIME FOR A CHANGE? (FOR THE BETTER) 5-9-08

CHAPTER 13 A Time For Change, (For The Better)

Well It's 2008 and everybody, including my sel is saying that the time have come for change. A change for the better? Now how do we go about this.After all when 2008 hit,thing suppose to change? But this year we had good sing, Like the fact of our president campange! Now Iam not a polictis, but I know if either Clinton or obama, and my opioin we are going to need both of them to make the change that the world need. So who every win, it's going to tack a woman and a man to clean up the mess that we have got our self in, by letting bush run thing for the last past eight years.It seen to me that every time a democract was president the world was a little better off and a little calmer. People didn't fear losing their job nor losing their house after ten years of paying mogetage, Hard working people was becoming poor people and the poor didn't have a chancenot even the hope that they did have when they were survideing day by day!Every since the repulicetion hade office their been company folding up and so many corrupte people in the executive business that the bank have went bankrupt, now go figure if the bank don't have money what that got to said about the poor people!So move them out,, pack them up ,lock them up or let them kill themself, Who Care!After all you have work so hard to get to where you are at why let someone take that away from you.We were the ones who both the gym-shoe,the c-d and the prouduce that they put in front us, we made them rich not all we ask for is that someone give us a chance to do better, because if we stop buying their clothes and their shoe they would be broke and we will have them to leave for us. That why it's time for a change for the better, It's time for the rich to help, the poor and time for the poor to live off the rich for a change.The same poor people that you want to shut up now have a voice. The poor people findally got someone they can realate to,so one who care about family not just the money someone who care about love,someone who judge a man by his chater no this pocket book.One thing about a poor person is that we know how to live poor and still have hope, we dont give up, not even when our kids go hunger or without not even when we cant pay the phone bill or the light bill we dont give up,not even when they tack away our cars or the house we dont give up, Because change is going to come and one thing that the 2008 presindent campange is showing us is that we have to come toghter to make the change for the better! We all have to be on the same page and the same catprgy poor! And hard working peoples!Now that we have a voice, we have an oppuinty to show the world that we can come toghter,we are saying it loud and that we are tired that the struggle is coming to an end! That it's time for a chance for the better.I know there alot of peoples or people who say, well It's not there faulte that you are poor and that they work hard to get what they got,Now they or him is right! But never did they that do it along.Either someone gave it to them or someone help them get to where they are at now?Some cook it or clean it or even ran it for you but you never done it by yourself?Something is wrong when a rich person who not sick can go to the hospital and get treatment, but a poor sick man can't get server, What the since of haven't a doctor who don't help the sick?Now if you have the money to help and the knowledge to help why not help. I love Mr. Bill Gate and Ophar they are great human bein for what they have done in this world but they work is not done(here Iam) but they can't do it by there self.,do you know how many people in this world need just maybe a 1000 dollar or even 5000 dollars to get on there feet, to make them happy,people that work hard but not hard enough!Another person that have a great influence on people is LiL Whaye(like a Lollipop) got a big influence on our kids and the younge people in this world,anytime my 1yr old can say the world to his song, the man is powerful and I hope he klnow it!All I have to said is don't just show your ganster imaige show the part of you that people don't see, that you are a wonderful father and a smart business man as well as a love brother and friend to many.That how you can give back to the hood. Now that I have show you my vision, help me make it a reality that we all can beleave in, The same money that we spent on clothes and shoe let take some of that to pick a family up out of the poor neighberhood, into the hardworking man and woman that have a great family .Even Mike Jordan himself could get in on the ban wagon, Just put a little back from which it came and you will not only be rich ,you want be alone and you are doing what God love.Because God never put one person to have 300 million dollars and 3000 to be poor and straving I don't think he work like that? Just show a little support for the people who help make you,I don't think one person should have that much power and do nothing with it.All you have to do is pray or just open your eyes, looking around there people everyday asking for your help and Iam one of them. GOD Bless and Keep you Always In Jesus Name AMEN!

MY LETTER TO OPRAH. 5/19/08

CHAPTER 15 Well if any body in this world could help me is oprah,she is one of the most powerful and beautiful woman inside and out side, I have ever seen and heard.She is one of the most positive woman,with so much engry that God have bless with some much knowledge.If I ever had a chance to meet her I would be over well,not to mention scare of what I would say to her?I know that I would ask her for her help on getting my book publishes ,and may be a loan for the money .I would tell her that Iam also one of God children as you are, The letter would go something like this. Dear Ophar my name is William Scott, Iam a father of five wonderful children age 20,13,10,4, and 2 and a step father of two great kid that I help raise since they were 3 and 5 years old, now they are 20 and 17 years old, not to say there father were not in there life, because he was! Him and I help raise each other kids, that what made both of us great father.Also Iam a grandfather ,by may oldest daughter ,who is 2 years old as well .So as you can see Iam bless to have such a wonderful family ,ooh yeh! Iam also marriage to a beautiful woman, who have my back 100%.I grew up on the west side of Chicago ,were I going a gang when I was 13 years old, I also start doing drug when I was 13 years old as well, I marriage my first wife at the age of 17, that change my life from being a gang-banger,into becoming a father, now that Iam 40 years old I never plan on living this long so I don't have anything to show for me being on this earth ,but my kids When I was a little boy I grew up watching you on TV, because in my house when Ophar came on everyone got quite and pay attention to what you had to say, Now Iam not a saint, but I was raise with Respect ,Love, trust and with the fear of God, not to meantion my mom and dad, who was separated at the time , but stay down the street from each other, so if we got in trouble ,all my mom did was call our dad and he said seen them down here, If you could us your imagination, to know you where going to get a whooping when you get there made that walk down to my father house seen so long and more painful than the whooping? ,well almost as painful!! I was also raise by my grandmother who took us the church on Sunday,that last from 8am until 8pm,now that a long time to get the word of God install in your brain and before she past away she's told me that I was going to be a preacher,until this day those word have stuck in my head for some reason.I also have alot of aunt and uncle that also play apart on helping us to grow up to be young men,I don't want to get start on how many cousin I have that will take all night long .The reason Iam telling you about my family is because that what it took back then to raise young kids to become, well respect men. We didn't have alot of money but we had plenty of love for on another.{I Thank God For That Ever Day}Well Ophar enough about me,let me get to the point, the reason I need your help is to get this book publish and get God word out as well as make my dream come true.You see this is the first time I ever done such a thing and I know that God put this knowledge in my head to share with us?All Iam trying to do is save my children as well as other ,through my vision and testimony, Just maybe someone will get the word and change there life for the better ,even if I reach one then my book have done what God plan for it to do.(If you every get a chance to read it you will feel as if I do, which I will seen you a copy) I need your help! I pray and pray and one day while I was lock up in jail I was looking at your show were you talking about your book club or someone who wrote a book, that when It's came to me ,when Ophar talk every body listen,plus you have the tool that I need to get the book publish and you have the money as well. Like I said this is my first time and I didn't know that getting A book publish cost so much, plus Iam between job right now? Don't think that Iam a begger or trying to run a scram on you, cause the prove is in the book! Like I said I pray on it and you were the answer that I got back, I know that you know people that can help me get this book started! Right now Iam poor and I also don't know where to start and I don't want anyone taking my book in the wrong direction, so your help will be more like an investment, I wil pay you back as soon as I get money from the book, plus 5 per cent of the sell of the book is going back into the neighbourhood that I grew up in.A program to get the kids off the street corner into something positive, where they can grow up with respect and the fear of God,to give them something to do other then sell drug,Like I said I work for mine,Iam just having a hard time getting a job right now, but I know God will make away, like it's say in the bible Matthew 5:42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not away.[Iam not worry, I have Faith that you are God sent and you are going to do what in your heart to do, and I thank you for your help, and you trust in me;Let safe some children, because Iam one, but together we become many ;God Bless You And Keep Your faith and Safe in Jesus Name A-Men!

A NOTE

I hope that what I have written didn't affend anyone, My attention was clearly to show that we need help and what I share was my vision and what I feel we need to be doing from my point of view. If you don't share my point of view'That Fine'?Cause God gave us all free will and a mind of our own!But if you do share my vision, You can help by donate to my book fund which Iam setting aside 5% for save the childrens fund that Iam going to help poor people in Chicago. I william scoott is going to bulid a place where our children can come to instead of the street, so they can have something other then the street corner.So they can become proud young man and woman that they will respect themself as well as other.I never ment to hurt or offend anyone, but sometime when you are trying to get your point across, word come out the wrong way, but tghe meaning is still the same! We do need a chance for the better! Thank You! God Bless. W/S.

Matthew:

Chapter 14 3:14 But Jesus answered and said to him 'Permit it to be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness' Then he allowed him.

4:4 But he answered and said; 'Its is written' Man should not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.

4:16 The people who sat in darkness have seen great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death, light has dawed.

5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for their is the kingdom of heaven.

5:16 Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorifty your father in heaven.

5:42 Give to him who ask you, and from him who want to borrow from you do not turn away; I thank God for you and I thank you as well, In Jesus Name A-MEN!

Family:

Family is one of the most important part of life, that we all have or trying to have.Let me show you how my family came about?

First william scott first daughter was born though my first wife let just call her V/S begot Renee scott. My second daughter Tatiana Scott was born though my second wife G/S who also begot Shyann Scott, William Scott Jr, and Jalana Scott, who also had my two step kids, Ke-ke and man-man. I was born from my mother and father,Mr and Mrs Scott who also had my four brother and one sister.My dad also hade two other kids, by my step mom which had my step sister and brother, On my mother side I have over thirteen uncle and aunt from my mother –mother and father.Now on my father side I have over thirteen uncle and aunt ,though my father mother and father, and throw the both of them I have over fifty cousin, on my second wife side their is four brother and sister,from her mother and father. The reason I put my family in this book is to show you just how important family is and that everyone have a family,plus to have a family is to be love and care for no matter what you may think,also to have a family is to care about there well being as well as there future!Having a family is what God put us all on earth to do and that is to Raise one, Rebulid one, and to Reproduce one, to keep the human race alive and kicking!So the next time someone come up to you and say what up fam-ooh or family,You never know that person just might be your cousin or some kin to you, So the next time you pull a gun out and try to kill someone,justthink that might be your family or we know for sure they are someone family.The next time someone ask you for help, they just might be your family,Now that you know that we all are family,let work like a family and help save our children! Give our family a chance to change for the better, don't never give up on your family,because family is all you may have one day, and if you don't have a family or know who your family are, go out and make you one. In Jesus Name A-MEN!.

A Strange Becom A Friend: 5-10-08

Chapter 15 As of today I been lock up for about two week, that the day I went to court, after I get from court I was pretty have that they throw out that dumb drug case out. I was kind of tired of been in them bull-pin they can do that to you,. I finally got back to my deck and ask the co to let me in my cell,all I want to do is lay down in my bed,plus I want it to write about today, but when the co came to put me back in my room I was doing something or talking on the phone and miss my chance to get in my room. I was burn up ! So I had to set in the day room for eight hour looking up at a tv you can't hear, When this strange came sit down across from me; 'He said what up' I said nothing ? He ask me how many day did I have left, I said 12 more day to go with a strong voice, he said he had 8 more day left? Now Iam saying to myself what do this guy want had me puzzle, but what more was strange when he look up at me he had sadness in his eyes.He look as he was struggling with something as he ask me what I was lock up for.I said quickly answer 'for traffic'!H e reply that he was lock up for pulling a banger(gun) on his wife, and that he been lock up for six month, I was shock and gave he my under divide attention.As he went on he said let me start from the beganing. As he start telling his story , he took a deep breath and said It go like this; him and his wife just got marry about six month ago, he both her a big ring and a house, also he work in real estate( so he had a little money) while his wife went to school for real estate some where down town Chicago and they stay in oak park IL, so he drove back and foward from home to school every day where he work almost 10 hours day, got up to do it over and over each day. Now the pressure was getting to him, with the new house, new wife, also commuteing back and foward, also in that time frame he lost his mother and his sister and his brother and two uncle. He said that death came one after another? I my Iam sorry to here that, as he went on you could see the water buliden up in his eye, but he didn't let his tears fall I guess when u are lock up you don't no one see you crying no matter what.So he clear his throat and start telling me how he start drinking and then start doing drug (cocain) and how he got hook on them!And to make matter worst everything crash,got out of control, he start doing more drug more drinking,until that one day he just snap,got into this heated arguement with his wife,first he kick down his door, grab his banger(gun) put the gun to her head and threat to kill her, after he finnaly looking at his self in the mirror he put the gun down, But he got mad at her when she call the police!Now that he lock up,he add to his problem by asking his wife for a divorce while he was lock up. I told him that was the sadest story that I ever heard and that my heart goes out to you and your wife, you guys need prayer and los of it. I ask him a question?Do you beleave in God and do you pray at all?He said yes, but he mad at God, he went as far to say that if God was sitting next to him he would punch him in the face. I said my confuse brother, Why be mad at God, when he gave you so much, Like your wife the house, the job and the cat as well. Cause he didn't do this to you, beleave it or not, this was your doing, I know that you are hurt and that you are mad, but you being mad at god is not going to help you at all , first thing look back on what you had, like your wife in the beginning you guys had love and fun alot of hard work when into you guys, with buying the house, shopping for the thing to put in that house,including that cat.you have a wonderful mother and a great sister, you are bless and you dont even know it.I told him that God didn't take anything away from you,not even your free will.When you went out to buy drug, you did that. When you got high that was your doing as well, you took all that anger that you had in you out on your poor wife, that lead you to go kick your door down and pull a gun to the woman that you love head, Now God was there because you didn't pull the trigger.Now that you ask your wife for a divorce is because you knoe that you where wrong and you know there no taking that back, Now that you plant that seed in her, you want to get mad cause she finally strong enough to let it grow. You are only made at the result of your action.let me said this to you ,being that I been marriage twice and I have been though some of what you have,cause my wife that Iam with now stab me in the back, by the grace of God she not dead and we are still toghter.First of all Iam sorry for your lost, but with life there come death that something we can not stop.Now when it come to the action that you took again your wife you have no one to blame but yourself!As I was telling him this tears start rolling down his cheek, I try to my him happy,with a joke, stop crying you know we in jail people might thank we are soft or lover?that made him smile. I told him that I don't know his mother nor his sister but I do know they raise a good man. Some time we all fall short of the gloy of God, There no one perfect. God have plan for the people he take away from us up in haven and they are the angle that watch over us all or he didn't want then to suffer on earth, who know?It's not for us to understand. Believe me when I said God might knock you down, but he going to give you a way to pick yourself up, and he might bean you until you almost break, but you won't be broke, he might hurt your heart,but he will never break it., the reason Iam telling you this is because I felt as you did before I was mad at God myself, when I was young it's seen as if every time something bad happen it's happen to me and I could understand why! I curse God and I was hurt,confuess,just was suffering so much.But God know how strong you are and How much you can take.( if you every get a chance read the book of JOB.)I kept myself business going to school and working anything to keep my mind off of my problem, I even did drug all kind of drug anything that could keep the pain away, your problem is a little more worst than other, first of all your wife, I know that you guy haven't been marriage for less then a yea,so you guys have a lot to learn from each other, you never gave her a chance to grow and she try her best to stand by your side, even when her mother and sister told her that you was no good, and since you been lock up for four month she still having gave you a divorce yet, let me tell you my wife I would had to tell her to divorce me she would have did it before I got into the judge face?By you guys been newlewedge, there still love there, you never gave her a chance, and now you want a divorce and all you are worry about is the house.I ask him do you love your wife 'he said yes, I also ask do your wife love you 'he also say yes.So since you been lock did she come visite you he said once and that when you ask for a divorce, I shock my head and said, right know you are out of your mind and you wife is losing her mind. Four month ago you ask for a divorce and six month later she finally gave into the pressure from you and her people, you might don't know this but the first year in a marriage is the hardest, that because everything is new,in your case everything was new ,the wife the house and car even the cat, I know that a lot of pressure and with the way the world is going you were doing the right thing. Iask do you guys have any kids he reply no! Thank God!Now that you screw up what you going to do?When your wife call the police on you, that was out of fear, she didn't see you she saw some monster on cocain and drunk trying to kill her, she didn't see the man that she said yes to when you guys first got marriage,Now that you guys are apart it's time to put you guys back toghter,you know your wife better then anyone and you know what you did was wrong, It's not her who divorce she have to be influent by someone eles(he said yes she have a friend) some how I know that?I told him that you have a hard job in front of you cause you have to mean what you have broken? Now how bad do you want her back, he cry saying I want her back bad, I said that ok everything going to be alright, first you have to fix the broking heart, you have to gain back her trust and you have to let her know that the monster she saw in you is dead and well never hurt her again, stop worring about the house, you might see you are losing alot of money but from her point of view she see that the house the monster attack her in.When you get out of here take it slow work your way back into her trust and don't get anger if she stay away from you give her that. But I don't care if you have to beg on your knee and cry a river, you do what you have to save your wife and your dream.Let her know that the person she marriage is back and don't give up for nothing, because what God put toghter may nothing pull you guys apart.My wife will tell you a divorce we will never get and we have had so hell of some fight but by the grace of God we work them out plus for the kids sake. That another thing when you guys do get back toghter have some kids as soon as possible.just dont give up no matter how hard it get or even if she said no dont force her just take your time and do it right if it's ment to be patient;the love and the trust will come back, now this guy that I don't even know was crying like one of my kids and Iam sitting here like Iam some kind of therpy or something?but before I let him go! I said before you go and do this make sure that you are ready, he said yes Iam , I told him that God have a plan for you and me. First of all I don't know you nor do you know me and some how we told each other thing that two man that dont know each other tell one another> I leave you with this I will pray for you and I want you to pray for yourself ask God to forgive you for you action and for your sin and to help you save your marriage, aalso pray that you are stronge enough to go back into the world and leave the drug and the drinking alone so that you can do the right thing also do me one favour pray for me as well, we both have a drug problem and we both are mad and tired of getting lock up for something so stupid, It time for the both of us to let the devil hand go while God got a hold on us.You have to make sure this type of thing never happen again(look at me I been lock up over 10 time for the same thing)So I told him that you might think, well what Iam going to do when I get out this time! But when God ready for you to get out, that when you are going to leave, that when you are ready? Let me tell you I suppost to got out for my wife birthday but I alway don't get what I want but some how I get what I need.But God had other plan for me and one of them was to have this talk with you?He told me that this was like ministry for him I said it more like counal and you own me money for the time we share toghter? He laugh! But for-real when you do get out get counal for you and your wife, and talk to a preacher if you can, that would be great for the both of you guys!Now you see how god work again and again, I meet this totally strange and give him a uplifting, spiritual, mentally and emotionly, God is good. Now after we had our little talk the time came for me to go into my cell I told him go night, He ran to his cell and said that he got something for me to read, he call it's the 10 step to change his life. Its was almost what I told him and I never even read it befor, That was weird,that was truely a bless I thank God, then I thank him and he said let me get your phone number, Igave it to him and wish him good luck! The next morning they came to move me over to a new cell from AD to DB some where across the hall, I told him before I leave don't forget to pray and you know what you have to do.God be with you, he said good luck on the book I said thank!Now Iam not a preacher, nor am I a minister or prophet,Iam just plan william scott, but I felt great after talking to that brother;I felt as if I done God work and if I was let go today I know of aleast 3 people that I touch alone and Iam in jail image when I get out, speaking of getting out not until God ready will I be ready, so I also have to get myself toghter, but Iam on my way just that simple,I pray that anyone who read this will be on their way.. Because in 10 days,right now Iam ready9876then in 5 day I'll be set 432 and on thatday 1 I get out! That will be great and my time to let the devil hand go as well! In Jesus Name A-MEN!

HOW TO PREPARE YOURSELF SPIRITUALLY AND MENTALLY;

CHAPTER 16 5/11/08

1st the spiritual part is to pray and read as much of as you can of God word, as I sat here in jail I contiousm to walk in the holy spirit. Iam face on a daily basic with the evil that come to you while been lock up? I mean there evil all around me and all shape size and form,you have the gang and all the bullshit that come with it ,so you try to stay away from that negative:I just don't want any part of that life any more; Iam a man before anything; Now if this was about 10 years ago I would be right in front of the line.I was a G.D, so I understand where they are coming from,but to be still alive and to look back at what I have done: I said to them what the gang have done for you lately, I mean do you have ome kind of retireing plan some kind of 401k, stock, I don't think so , they can't even come up with the two hundred dollars to bond you out of jail.You see some people need what the gang offer and that is to be apart of somthing, a group; basicly to have that proctection, also to have a repertation that you are a G.D. The more you survice or the more you service the gang the shorter your life get. Know when you get lock up in jail, other gang member ask you what you ride(what gang you are in)So you reply that you are a G.D they tell you where to go and who you have to talk to, so you can get on count!Now you have to fight when they fight, some time you have to carry a shank(knife) be on security, that come with a caught 22 because your gang member will try to catch you up to get a beat down or two match stick,what that mean they light two match one at a time and get some other member to either hit you in the body or the face until the match burn out ,.So you have to watch there back and they watch your, but if you are smart you will watch your own back.There are some people who only live for to be in a gang they take it so seriously that they like being told where to stand in line and what table they have to eat, and if they fight ,you have to fight , even if you don't have nothing to do with it.For some people that all they live for is the gang , straight hard cord, the people that make all the rule should do something about the problem with gang because they know where you are going to be at if you stay in a gang ,either you are going to jail or you are going to hell! The question remain what being in a gang do for you is nothing?Now that you are at the age of forty years old, you have no plan ,no retirement fund for your kids college, cause you never though you were going to live that long?There no gang,nor them so call gangster buddy? Only your real family going to be there,even if you think there not,(Here an incident? Check this out < I was lock up in the country jail ,and I was trying to use the phone ,when one came available I use the phone and a G.D came up to me and said that this is a ganster phone! I said when Iam done I'll hollow at you?The little guy just stood there, ear hustleir, I said this is still going to be a G.D phone when I get off Now I could of advoid this by saying that I was a gangster; but I came in off count; I ask him for one moment,then I got off the phone, I had to catch myself,,cause Iam not on that page and I didn't need any trouble, because if one of them guys put there hand on me, the out date that I had would have been change. So I ask him did he have any kids? He look at me like what do that have to do with anything, I told him that Iam a retire gangster and I have seven kids, that my new gang.I been in your shoe before and you worrying about this phone should be the last thing thing on your mind, I ask the question again? Do you have any kids, he said yes! A little daughter.I said that who you should be trying to get home too, that your gang now.If you protect her like you protect this phone, from being use by non member, you would not be lock up now ! and that 'real talk.. He said fuck that phone and so did his buddy.(.I told this story to prove a point), When you are doing God work; you don't fear no man, when you are walking with God, you don't need a gang.If you use your head the right way, you can talk your way out of any bad vibe, You see when you are walking in the holy spirit there we be time when you how to bell out greatfully?There come a time when all you can do is pray for that person. That why you have to prepair yourself spiritally, by praying and reading the word of God at least twice a week, in my case I have to pray every day! You have to seek other who also walking in the holy spirit and other that have the word of God in them ,such as preacher and other that goes to church etc...You have to stay away from the dark side, the drug ,drunknes and the negative that would pull you away from your true self.You have to physicaly keep yourself strong mentally,stay on top of your game and alway keep God on your mind,when you walk or when you talk to yourself and other even before you go to sleep,plus be thankful when you wake up the next day.Because the devil will tempt you every day and once he know that you are working for God , he will try hard and harder then you every think, but you have to keep your faith and trust in God and he will help you though it all.Also you have to fast on anything weather it be food or smoking or sex, you have to get stronger and put on your aromer.You have to put in your mind that you can do without something that is material So that you can keep yourself strong spiritually on the inside, your heart! Anything that you put your mind ,body and your soul to do in Jesus name I pray for you as I ask that you pray for me, that God grant us the knowledge and the strength to keep our faith strong so that we can get his word out.Now that you are doing what you have to do.There a look that about you that everyone should see and feel, when you talk people will understand what come out of your of your heart, you began to look as a men of God should look, not only by the clothes that you wear or the way you walk, as clean that you are on the outside, you are just as clean on the inside;Keep God in your heart and keep the devil behind you,let the holy spirit lead you and if you do fall know that God will catch you,keep your thought clean as you speak God word and his wisdom share what you know so those who are hunger will be feed,judge no one because you will not be judge?Keep in mind God take of his people, may God be with you on your joyney and keep you safe, In Jesus Name A-Men! ,.

God is trying to tell me something?

Chapter 17 5-12-08

First I didn't know what? As I got closer and closer to my out date,I start losing sight of my goal and my vision. I was trying harder and harder trying not to get caught up in the jail house foolishness, I start playing card, gambling,cursing more and stop writting in my book.The devil was busy and also a lier. I got myself to read the book of Matthew.After I finshed reading it, then the message became clear to me.:,Matthew; 15:8 These people draw near to me with their mouth,and honor me with their lips,but their heart is far from me; No matter how much I try to give someone a spiritual up lifting,They mouth might say 'yes' you right!,But all the time they saying no in their heart.. Take this guy that lock up with me,he always talking about his wife,well this day he tell me that he going to [fuck]his wife up,cause she trying to take his little daughter to Mississippi; I said why you want to do that? He said that he don't want his daughter to go Mississippi without him. I told him for one thing, while you are lock up in here, There nothing you can do about or control what your wife are doing, The second thing, maybe going to Mississippi well give her a piece of mind and some joy! Iam sure that she not going to take your daughter away from you..Because if that was the case she would have told you.I ask you guys how long have you been marriage? You told me a year, you said that you love her and she love you, so let her go! She will be back, trust me they always come back,he yell! Btu without me? I know I know,but if you put your hand on her you not only going to be back in jail,but she will leave you and don't come back and take your daughter with her.He mutter something like I can't lose her, and I know I can't lose my daughter. I said listen to something I read? Matthew 15:11 Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man;but what come out of the mouth,this defiles a man. No matter what I said to him, he had his own plan.Matthew:15:14 Let them alone, they are blind leaders of the blind, and if the blind lead the blind; they both will fall into a ditch!You see sometime, you can't help a person with word but you can help them with prayer.Matthew 5:18 But those thing which proceed out of the month come from the heart, and they defile man. I wish him the best of luck, and off to work I went into the kitchen,now being lock up and going to work suppose to give you 3 day off your sentence;Now I work in div2 a little, but know that they move me to div11, I hope they count that time as well, so that I can get my 3day,because you have to been working for 30 days before you can get 3day,if they don't count my time in div2, I would not have enough time over here in div11 working, so I want get the time! Then I would be piss!Now I know 3 days don't seen like much,but believe me 3days less beat 3days more in here anytime.So to calm me I read Matthew:16:19 And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven,and what-ever you bind on earth will be band in heaven,and what-ever you loose on earth will be loose in heaven' Now Iam getting piss for nothing because there nothing I can do about, because Iam not going any-where until God set me free and I ask that of he's though his son.So all that I learn here in this place I don't want to loose..Matthew:16:26.For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul; Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul: So I pray on it and let it go? I don't know if Iam going back to work,cause it's serve no purpose!But, when I got back to work that day,for one thing,, they put my name on a list {now you work from 9:30am utill 8:00pm that 11 hours]That alot of time,for not to get paid or to get any good time for at all,but God will would be done.I only have 11 days and a wake up to go, now I know that don't seen like alot of time,so close but so far away,but if you ever been lock up before each day seen like a week and time goes by so slow, so as sooner you can get out is the better you will feel.Iam ready to see my wife and kids,and to help them out,I feel as if Iam ready to face my demons when I get out, to show that Iam stronger now! Matthew17:18 And Jesus rebuked the demon; and it came out of him,and the child was cured from that very hour? Now being a child of God, I have no doubt that Iam ready to face my demons,of drug,sex and alcho,I will rebuke them in Jesus name!Iam ready to do God work,to raise my childrend,rebuild with my wife and to grow in my faith in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit A-Men.I thank God for you all takeing part of my vision, and for buying my book,to help me ,with a little praying and faith,I will get the job done.Matthew 17:21 However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting? I will get the job done,no matter what? In Jesus Name A-Men. I Thank You.

Fears!

Chapter 18 5-13-08

Everyone have them,some more than other? My fears is success, I fears make it, I also fears sleeping alone, but my most worst fear is God,That a fear we all should share.Fear make us do thing we don't want to do,but because we don't understand them or just to scared to face them most of the time, they sometime take over.Now what we have to do is face our fears. Like the fear that I have of sleeping alone, well being lock up have help me to get over that fear; believe me; along time ago, the first time I was lock up! I though that I got over that one.But sometime fears always come back on us,because there are time where I wake up by myself in a cold sweat, heart beating as fast as a race car driver doing the Indy 500, I just could'nt understanding it.But by tha fact that Iam a little older and the fact that I have a wife at home, I know that I don't have to sleep alone any-more? Now for tha fear of success, I have faith that I could over come this fear,I have prays and prays on it, and left it in the hand of God.I have hade that fear since I got out of grammer school Every time I got to a point ,I though I was going to be a success, fear would kick in,then I would fail,But know God have gave me the courage to face that fear,to over come them and move on with my life. I know now that I was the cause of my fears,and the only thing that I had to fear was fear and myself. I have to give in to being afraid of not being a success, and know that Iam already a success and the only thing I have fail on was stop been a success.Now the fear of God,,,yes I have that fear , since I was a little boy,my gran mother have taugh us [my brother,cousin,uncles and aunt] that God was the only thing we should fear, because he control all life, weather we live or die.She taught us that God have the power to take life and to give life as- well. She taught us that God love us all , and he don't like to be play with,You heard that God don't like ugly and that not to found of pretty.Know that you know that he is the creater and the destroyer, know that he give blessing and also punish those who sin against his name,without him you or your family could not breath the air,some are blind, some can see and still are blind,so to fear God is to love God and to respect God for what God is capeable of doing to you and for you,Know that God is the most powerful and the most mis-understand oneSo give God all the glory and he will help you over come your fears what ever they my be.Don't be afraid of your fears,take on that demon and cast them out of your life,no matter how scare you are.Just ask God to help you to over come your fears in prayer and they will be gone just that easy.You ever been in a house where they said that it was haunted and a priest would come in to cleasen the house of all it's demon, and the fear that the people had who was living their was gone, they once more could sleep in peace.Well in the same way once you say aprayer and ask God to give you the streght to over come your fears, you want fear them anymore.Fear can't hurt you ,unless you let your fears hurt you,like the time you fear riding a bike, at first you were scare, until you start riding on your own when some one let go.Now that you know how to ride the bike,how fun it can be,now all that falling and getting back up, how you try more and more until you got it right, all because you pray to God to help you and over came your fears.Know that you are able to face your fears and respect the power of God,then only you can see ,how the fear of God have help you over came all your fears and gave you the strength to stand up and fight off you demons, so that fear what stop you from being what you are suppose to be, very successful and never along and know that the only fear you have is that of God,and that is to love God.Hebrews:13:6 So we may boldly say;The Lord is my helper;I will not fear,what can a man do to me!So don't fear anything,nor anyman,because they can't harm you spiritual, only the flesh,and you know that when God have put a shiled over you and your,there no harm that can come on to you.So walk proud, walk without fear,In Jesus Name A-Men!

Testomny

Chapter 19 5-13-08

When Death Come Knocking Twice!

Well it started off like any other day,my wife and I got up to get dress but before we got dress we hade to get shyann and Tatiana ready for school;Now the day before my older daughter renee told me to her graudation, I said I'll be there no matter what?As we got dress and left the house, I felt a little pain in my stomach, but pay no attention to that pain at all.Driving up to the city, I was proud of my little daughter Renee for making it throw high school,so I was pretty happy that day.My little girl have growing up to become a woman.When I got to the city;the sun was shineing,the weather was great!like 75-80 degree outside with a hot 95 on the inside.I had a little money in my pocket... just all around a beautiful day,So as soon as we got off the express way, straight to the dope stop I went,,I got me one and my wife one as well,.Norally when I toot a blow I feel better, but this pain in my stomach stay,on top of that a drink a 211 beer, that made the pain got worst,I felt as if I had a fire down there, I though that it was the dope and the beer,my mind told me that the dope problely no good,so I went around looking for the bomb on the dope,something that would knock my dick in the dirt so to speak.{a good bag] I finally found one,around my mother house on walnut,I got out of the car and got the dope,but before I could toot the dopemy nose start bleeding,I mean blood just start running from my nose like a fauclt, I didn't know what to do ,my wife was scared as hell,saying baby let go to the hospital,but by me being a G's I never like hospital, so I try to turf it out,like Iam from the south going to the hosipal was last thing we did.Now my nose and my stomach was giving me problem, I had no idea what was going on with me.My mother and my wife was saying go to the hosipal ,even my little brother was on my back, but I knew that there was nothing going to stop me from getting to my daughter gradration,so I told my mother that I wa on my way to the hosipal ,so that she could get off my back and gave my little brother half of the blow and he left me along,for a minute,but my nose would not stop bleeding at all,even after my mother told me to hold my head up and put press on the nose and every thing!But me being the dope fin that I was I was not going to the hosptail at all, I keep saying that I would be alright?For about fifteen minute my nose kelp bleeding,finally it's stop,but my stomach still was hurting like hell! But as long as my nose was bleeding ,I paid no attention to my stomach,but after the nose the stomach said my turn,It's start hurting like I was having a baby or something,even when I try to talk my stomach would hurt like hell!I try to toot a blow ;forget it,that even hurt, I just almost start to cry,but I took the pain, cause there was nothing going to take me away from my daughter graduration,as we got into the car, my wife ask me what was wrong, I said nothing;trying to keep from showing the pain that was inside my stomach,she said that she were going to take me to the hospital,I told her No! There nothing that going to keep my from my little baby gril graduration!As we went on our way, I remember getting into the car,trying to get something and the next thing I knew I was in the hosiptail with a doctor over me saying !Clear, that when the pain in my stomach came to my cheast,I heard beep ,beep ,beep< and all I try to do is fight once the pain came back to my stomach,and I remember yelling for my wife, where my wife,I need my wife, they finally let her in. I told her that the doctor don't know me it's still hurt,being stupid I told her that I need a dope! My wife was like hell no!I said that it's hurt still I kept bugging her to get me a blow until me and her started to fight;She said stop fighting and let the doctor do there job?Tears just was flowing down her face to a point were the doctor told her to leave, but before she left she got into with the nurse, I heard them arguring as the doctor was trying to put some tube into my mouth. I scream go get that for me;NOW!So about 30 minute down in the emercy room, I finally made it up stair to my room ,the doctor was still puzzle to what wrong with me;now cook country have the best doctor in Chicago to me and other on the west side of Chicago?But they still didn't know what was wrong with me, He told me that they had to run more test,but the pain was still there.As I was lying in my bed,I felt the pain growing in my stomach,but the nurse told me to push the red button every time I felt pain<I was like o-k?So every ten minute I was pushing the red button;sometime three time! I still felt pain; I ask the nurse did the button work.I also ask her could I see my wife know ,she said yes? cause she were down stair with my little brother ,as soon as my wife and little brother got upstair after the hug and kisses,I ask my wife for the blow,my little brother was like you don't need that shit,that why you are in so much pain now, I told him you don't know what you are talking about,the blow taking the pain away from me,I told him that the doctor don't even know what wrong with me?My wife said honey I don't like to see you in pain and you know I will do anything for you;but I can't give you that ,with tear in her eyes she just kept shaking her head.I got mad and start scraming in pain give me the blow,Terry told me to calm down,the nurse must of heard us and took one look at my wife and said;don't do that?My wife play like she didn't know what she was talking about;The nurse was like I heard what was going on here and I heard him tell you downstair;you will only hurt him more,let the doctor do there job;I know it's hurt but you will have to leave if you are going to keep getting him upset;but all that did was make my wife upset,and she start going off on the nurse;I had to interrupt;It's was all my fault,she was only trying to please me,I told her that it would take away the pain;the nurse told me ,that the medican that I was taking ,if she would have gave you that you would of die again;I said again! She said you don't know you flat line for a minute there(die) I couldn't believe what I was hearing,until my wife said yes honey you scare the hell out of us down stair;my little brother was like right we was fuck up down there;I though you was gone;That cause me to stop and think for a minute,what the hell is wrong with me;I ask for the doctor; after the doctor came in I ask in a calm voice, what wrong with me;he said that you have pancretitis;I said what what pancretitis?The doctor said;that when your pancres swell up as big as a soft-ball;I still didn't know what a pancretitis is or was;that when the doctor saw this confuss look on my face;and said that something that work like the liver;it's keep all the poison from drinking alcho get into my system;so it's act like a filter; Now I know that I drink and all this time I though it was the herion;It's was cause the colt 45 beer that I was drinking;I was relief in a funny way that it's was not the herion/(I know crazy)After about a day or so my little daughter came to see me;someone had told her that her dad was dying.I didn't know how much my little girl love me until she came into the room with tear in her face,hugging and a kiss me like she was not mad at me;I told her how soory I was from miss her graduration;She gave me a big hug and said dad that o-k, she also said something funny like,Iam happy that you almost die coming to see me gradurate,so not even death was going to stop you from getting to your daughter gradration! I smile in pain; we went on to talk for about 30 min or so;we haven't talk like that since she was a baby girl,before she left she said dad you have to stop drinking; I said I know,I know,that a wonderful feeling to know that my daughter love her dad so much ;I felt so good on the inside ,I start crying;she gave me a kiss and said I'll see you later.After that my Mom and Dad came to see me,My mother was relief to know that I was not dying and my Dad gave me the strongest hug that my pain stop for a second;they talk and I listen because I couldn't talk it's really hurt,I mean the pain just got worst every time I try to say a word,I kelp pushing the red button,until I pass out;When I awake my wife was sleeping on the bed next to me.After about the second week in the hosipal;I have seen all my family,my best friend,even my worst friend,It's seen as if the whole block of walnut came to see me,while I was in that hosipal.One moring the doctor came in told me they had to do a spinal tap;I was like;what that;he said that where they take this pin in put it into my spine to drain fluid from me and that it could kill me if I move the wrong way;at this point I was not even afraid of death;not even with the tube down my throt and down my nose,I was in pain,but I was love;after about two and a half week later; I was feeling better;and I could breath on my on;the nurse came in,told me that if I want to get these tube out of me that I had to get up in walk; ,just what I got up and the next day the tube came out;boy was I feeling great;I finally could get up to take a piss and a shit.The doctor came in to tell me that I was doing great and that I have to stop drinking;he told me that since the time he been working there they never had a person in that hosipal that had as much people come see them then me;he told me if I don't stop drinking that I was going to die and all the people that love me would be hurt;so if you don't do it for yourself do it for them.Know you would thank that after all that pain that I cause myself and other I would of stop drinking but no!Not my hard-head ass,Three years later I was in the hosipal in Hoffman-estate with another pancretitis attack from drinking again; I stay in the hosipal for two week,same as before:The doctor told me the same thing stop drink or Iam going to get pancretitis cancer and die.Now I do stupid stuff sometime,but this take the cake,So I pray I ask God to help me ;Know I'll been the jail for driving over and over,until I got tired so I stop driving as much;slow down;Now I don't want to die again I did it once,mybe twice I don't want to see either again;I need to change for the better;God have show me two time I will not let the rooster crow three time;Iam going to change;In Jesus Name;A_MEN.

THE DEVIL BUSY!

CHAPTER 20 5-14-08

As it get closer and closer to my out-date,I feel the present of the devil even more;No matter what I do big or small it's seen as if he got his hand into every thing? Even when it come to written this book;I because In the began I was writing aleast two pages a day, now I barely can get a page, it like my mind been trick to think that Iam in jail and I must act like other inmate;instead of reading the bible, I start playing card; sometime I just do nothing,but I can feel the spirit inside of me getting weaker and weaker, as if Iam being tempted;You see when I was in AD-pod(another part of the jail) I hade alot of time away from people, plus people over there where more on getting out of jail than staying in jail,;but the guys over here are totally opposite; they are loud and hostial, into the gang banging stuff, they all act af if they like been lock up;they don't care about getting an out-date;so all night long they play rap music, off the dvd player that was taking from another dorm;I don't know where that got the dvd of fifty cent from,but I know Iam tired of hearing If I had your girlfriend or something one more time, Iam going to snap! (I need prayer)Then all the cursing and carry-on like little kids,sometime I think Iam in the twight light zone! I know that Iam no saint and that I was once apart of that same state of mind,but how much could one person take.So now it's get harder and harder for me to keep away from all that negative stuff and try to keep my mind on something positive while lock up over here around these imate.Now if the devil is busy on me while Iam in here,what is store for me when I get out,I know the devil is going to be super busy, Now if that not enough work for the devil,he still working on me,take for instant, I been trying to see the social worker for week to get my out-date,evry time she come around Iam either a work or getting my hair cut or something.The day that I have off from work, I finally get a chance to she her,when some stupid person get into a fight with another stupid person and we get on lock down, so no soical worker,no out-date,I was also trying to get the three day you get from working, three day, that three day less I have to be in this jail, that would be a blessing. I already miss from get them when I was in div 2 working, when they came to mve me over here,now thay tell me that I have to work almost 30 day over here before I could get even get 2 day,I know I have less than 30 day before I get out.So I have to talk to someone by the name Mr B they say that he could give you your three day if you are a good worker and a great person,even if he give me one day I would be happy,But If thing keep going the way they are I will never get to talk to anyone,but Mr B, and if he could give me either one day that would be a blessing.You see; when the devil is working,God is working as well.and there nothing the devil could do about that,but go to hell! So know that Iam working from 11am until 7 or 8 pm it's cool.I work in the kitchen,but it's like working a real job on the street,everyone get alone,we laugh and play around,but we get the job done,over 1500 food tray get server and took up stair to other inmate.Everyone treat each other with respect,plus we get to eat all the food we what and steal to take back up stair for later.After we get from work the day is over with,so it help the time go by faster,after you get up stair,take a shower,you lay down for the night,to get it all done againg the next day.Now that Iam writing this book I can't wait to get back up stair to pray and to receive God word, knowledge so that I could understand his wisdom and share it with other.Since I'll been writing this book I been having a real talk with other people ,about there life,there family,wife and there case.It always something positive,that put me right back into the holy spirit. You see the holy-spirit never leave you,some-time you bury it,when you start shaking the devil hand,with all the negative stuff(bull-shit) and when you start letting someone else tell you have to live your life,as long as if you stay on that straight line and keep praying,God will always be there for you;Like at work today,This older guy came up to me and said why did God forsake him,why did he get lock up –when he was trying to get his life back toghter and was doing what he though was right, Why did he get lock up for a four years old case;I said God never forsake you !God gave all of us free will,that the power to make our own choice in life,now that you are doing right,you have to get rid of what you did wrong?You were still responabile for what you did four years ago am I right;He said yes?I said that you made that choice years ago,now God feel that the time have come where you could handle that choice now and that he have something;a message or something that he want you to do for him,that why you are here?So you might didn't like the out-come of your choice, we all make choice and even I myself don't understand it, but It's not of our understanding,believe me that being lock up is not our problem,You and I have to make a change for the better;He said that funny I was just thinking about how I was going to change when I get out of here;I told him that I don't know what Iam going to do when I get out of here,but I do know what Iam not going to do;I told him you see how God work,I don't even know yopu but you came over here sit next to me and start talking,the next thing you know the Holy Spirit got into me and the word of God start coming out of me;Let me tell you how good God is;I start off this day not knowing my out-date,and if I was going to get my good days for working;well Mr B came over to a minute before you sat down and gave me two good days and my out-date is 5-22-08,so without seeing the social worker,I got my good days and my out-date;God is Good,My wife will be happy to hear that;I don't know what going to happen to me when I get out of here,but I know that God is with me ,I can feel it,more now than I every did before;Jhon 2:1:3Grace,Mercy,and Peace will be with you from God the father and from the Lord Jesus Christ,the son of the father,in Truth and Love.I know in my heart that the Holy Spirit got to be in me;cause there no other reason for what Iam feeling with you up in this jail,and for the thing that I said out my mouth is the Truth.I have faith that when I get out that I will be strong enough to face what every come my way,and I will make the right choice,that what I have to do.I have to stay away from drug and all the negative thing that the devil throw at me,for the first time Iam coming out of this jail walking in the Holy Spirit,Iam a child of God! Jhon:3:1 Behold what matter of love the father has bestowed on us,that we should be call children of God!Therefore the world dose not know us,because it did not know him.So coming out for me is like doing something new!It's funny as I share this with you,I hope that you take what is true and put of your own life,as you see that Jesus is telling you though me, that the time have come for us all,that we must come toghter,we must save our children,we must get ready for when God come,All I have to say is May God be with you,and keep you strong,In Jesus Name;A-Men.

THE CONCLUSION??? 5-12-08

CHAPTER 21 First; I have to say Thank! I hope that by reading this book you find in your heart to make a change for the better, I have faith that you will have a spiritual change for the better, and I believe that you will know that God is Hugging you and all you have to do is let the devil hand go.Matthew12:26 If Santan cast out Santan, he is divided against himself.How then will his kingdom stand?[Because the devil is real and he's a lyer,so that you know you can cast out evil,that you have free will,that you can do so much good]. Matthew 19:16 Now behold,one came and said to him,Good Teacher,what good thing shall I do that I my have eternal life,All you have to do is accept Jesus Crist into your life and ask him for forgiven of your sin.[ Take the first step to become a part of God army;for I tell you if I could do it; Iam sure that you can?][ Because we need your help to save yours and mines children ,we all must come toghter to make it happen, to raise our children].Matthew 18:5 Whoever receives one little child like this in my name receive me. You see;as I see it, that it's up to us all to save aleast one child.Matthew 18:6But whoever cause one of these little one who believe in me to sin,it would be better for him if a millstone were hung belong to you,,we have alot of praying ,we have to ask God for help in this matter.]Matthew21:22 And around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.[So don't let yourself fall short ,the task whatever thing you ask in prayer,believing you will receive,so this is true in rare form.[now once we pray toghter,we must help each other out.]Matthew 5:42 Giveto him who asks you,and from him who want to borrow from you do not turn away.[don't think that Iam making this stuff up,all you have to do is read it for yourself and you will see just as I did; believe me this is a first for me as well.] The time have come for a change to began, It time to stop being selfish,It's time to put aside different and go back to the old ways with a change for the new ways,the begganing is the end of the way thing are now and the time for the new.Matthew 20:16 So the last will be the first and the first last for many are called, but few chosen.[So if you get a calling from God to do his work, you must go!]All I know is that even though I don't have money,nor clothes,or any idea on what Iam going to do,I can feel the Holy Spirit in me and that I have work to do,That why this book have been written and must get publish. Matthew 21:21 So Jesus answered and said to them,Assuredly I said to you,if you have faith and no doubt,you will not only do what was done to the fig tree,but also if you said to this mountain,be remove and be cast into the sea'it will be done.[That all I know is that if I get myself and one other to go with me than my work have been done,I just have to make a change for the better,no matter what!]I can't let nothing get into my way,not drug, not money,not woman nor man,neither the devil himself, cause I have God in my corner and in my heart and my soul is fill with the Holy Spirit will guide me and proctect me and mine against all hurt ,harm and danger.So come share my vision so that we could be apart of something great,through my testimony you will see how God work was unfolded.Matthew 21:22And whatever things you ask in prayer believing,you will receieve,[These thing didn't come to me by acciendent,nor by mistake,but though faith,and God will;the rest is history].Matthew 23:39 For I say to you,you shall see me no more till you say,Blessed is he who come in the name of the Lord;[You will feel God present as well,you will know his work,so humble yourself as I did and accept Jesus Crist as your personal saver,and he will delever you just as he done me, Now Iam not saying Iam perfect,nor Iam I without fault but as long as God is Hugging me and he knows that Iam trying to let the devil hand go,I will succed,]God Bless in Jesus Name!A-Men.

HERE A THOUGH! 5-16-08

CHAPTER 22 I was sitting back reading the book of Acts; when this verse stuck in my head.Acts 4:20 For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.[I have heard alot and seen plenty,but I never was withness to nothing like this,I mean to be fill with the Holy Spirit is a powerful feeling,some time it's come and goes,but you know when you feel it.You also know cause it's so positive,that when you speak,the true just flow out of your mouth,the truth come out,even when you try to lie,but you can't lie,even been lock up around all these negative people, that why I try to keep to myself, I mean sometime I do curse when talking to some people,but not for the most part? I try to watch what I say; After all Iam in jail? Know I don't know what Iam going to do when I get out of here or what I have to face,I keep saying that like Iam affaird of something? For the most part Iam a little scared,not for what going to happen to me ,but for what if I can't get the job done, cause I don't have any money, nor any idea on how Iam going to get this book publish,but I do have faith that God will bless me with the tool that I need and the people that I need to get his word out,for as long as if I put God first in all that I do,thing will be just find.I just have to keep changing for the better?But it fuuny how the devil keep working on you even harder,when he see you are trying to do something right;For instance I found a cirgar lighter, and after that a cirgar came my way,know I haven't had a cirgar since I been in here and I said that I was going to stop smoking when I get out,nor was I going to do drug;and here Iam smoking away, there no telling what Iam going to do in the outside world,the devil can work on you that quick in jail,I know that he can get to me outside of jail just as quicker.I have to get stronger and read more and pray more,stay walking in the Holy Spirit, because Iam going to change for the better and that not a easy job,I don't know where it's going to take me;I have to follow the step toward righteousness,like it's say in Acts 2:47 Praising God and Having favour with all the people and the lord added to the Church daily those who were being save.[So when I get out, I have to become save,then,Acts 4:19Repent therefore and be converted that your sin may be blotted out, so that time of refreshing may come from the presence of the lord.[ So to repent and be save sound like a good plan to me,Iam not going to rusn thing,so that I will fall,Iam going to take my time so that I will be a success,when I smoking that cirgar I did't feel a thing,I didn't make any promise,nor did I pray to God to take the taste out of my mouth,like I did with drug,but for some reson I felt as if I did something wrong;I guess I have to pray more ?As you see Iam not strong enough and Iam not perfect,but I do know right from wrong,and I have a heart full of love and a soul full of faith, and my mistack is not going to make me lose my faith,not at all,but I would like to gain more knowledge and wisdom so that I can get an understanding on how to handle this type of stuff when it come up again,exspeical when I get out,so there want be any more mistake;ony God will and God will be done,I guess Iam kind of excited to get to work and Iam thankful the at the age of forty God have not gave up on me;some people go all there life and never get this feeling and I been bless to help other child and mybe save some soul and I want let let the devil steal my joy,I can't let the fact that Iam lock up in jail,I can't let no one tell me that I can't do this,nor stop me,I can get the job done !Because God have spoking,he have choose me, and bless me with the knowledge to writte this book,which going to a success,and the word will get out and my soul going to be set free.Acts 5:19 But at night an angel of the Lord opened the prison door and brought them out and said; 5:20 Go stand and speak in the temple to the people all the words of this life. In Jesus Name A-Men!

RESPECT! 5/18/08

CHAPTER 23 When it's all come down to it ,respect is the key that open the door to peace,,the kind of peace you don't get from war,but the kind that you get from the mind.If every one respect each other as men and woman, and respect each other wishes,the world will be a better place,You see;when I grew up respect was something you give to all adult, we respect kids that play on the front yard instead of the back alley.We even respect each other ,some had to earn respect,,My mother and father taught us how to respect each other stuff, older people.,for the oeople that did'nt have parent my mother and father taught them to.Also taught us if we don't show respect, we will feel it in the end.(If you Know What what I mean)In 2008 there were not one respect each other,like the day of old,It's start off with kids ,Some how they just got out of control.[like little bobby get older,he get him self into troble,because he was not taught to respect of other prople property] On the other hand mike was please of what bobby did and told him that he show alot of respect not telling on him; Bobby didn't know any better,but as little bobby got older,he got worst and worst Now mybe bobby is a little spoil and respect as he see it is taking something that don't belong to him.Mike appericate bobby even more, cause he never had anyone to teach him respect, and he never had a son,lilke bobby is to nim.Now bobby think no one is better then him and that he can take what every he want;that made mike proud.Finally bobby meet sue and they have a mike on there own? My point is thisrespect is going to be giving or it's going to become a part of you,either you are taught it,by your mom and dad or someone out there on the street,One thing you will hsve to earn respect,but it's up to you to give respect,the easy way.The way I see respect is not black or white,rich or poor,not as a old person ,either a young person.I see respect as a man and woman,child,each of us was born with it,now do we give up to lose it or do we earn it and keep it, so I said the next time you see someone or you speck to someone,give respect,cause 9 time out of 10 you will get it back.In Jesus Name..

MY LETTER TO OPHAR! 5-19-2008

CHAPTER 24 Well if anybody in this world could help a person get on the right track and help me is ophar,She is a woman with so much positive engry and that God have bless her with the power to help so many people,that I would be bless if she even would take the time out to read my book or help me get it publish, so that I could get God work done and that people could read the knowledge that I have in- counter . The letter that I would write to her would go something like this?Dear Mrs ophar my name is william scott and Iam a father of seven wonderful kids and a grand father of one,as you could see I have been bless,I also have a wonderful wife who stand behind me 110% and is a part of me.I grew up on the west side of Chicago and Iam 40 years old,now the reson that I telling you my age,is because I never tough I would make to 40, so I never had a plan or a saving for today.I been watching your show since I was a little boy, I remember,when you came on my mother made sure that every one was quite, as a matter of fact the whole block was quite.Now Iam no saint, but I was raise by my mother and father and the neighbourhood that I grew up in,with respect, love and the fears of God as well as my mother and father and grandmother. They also install in us responablity and trust, I also have a host of uncle and aunt and cousin as well, so I am very family type of guy.It's took all those people to help raise me and I thank God for that.Well Mrs Ophar enough about me,let get to the reason that Iam writing you, is to ask for your help to help save not only my children, I as well am trying to save all God children,I need to get this book publish to get the word out,and to help make my dream come true,you see God have put theses vison in my head as well as my testimony of the thing that happen in my life, my just reach some of the young kids today,even if this book save one child then I have done something right.( When you read my book you will see what Iam trying to do and that how much I need your help.)I can't stop thinking about how this came about, this is the first time I ever though about writing a book, but that day in jail It seen as if God himself was telling me what to write, and I pray and pray until that one day I saw you on T.V and God say that who can help you ,I don't know how to reach you,nor do I know how to get in toch with you,but I know that God will bring us toghter when the time is right.Iam not asking for your money ,Iam asking for your love and guidness and mybe a little of your money(cause Iam poor and I don't have a job as of yet!) I only need a loan to get started that all,because Iam not a begger and I always work for mind,so It's like a small investment, I read in the Bible Matthew 5:42 Give to him who asks you and for him who want to borrow from you,do not turn away.Iam not wory, I have faith that you will do the right thing and that you are God sent and you are going to do what in your heart that you feel that is right.I thank You for your time and for your help and trust me,I will not let you down and we will save some of God children,Iam only one person,but with you I become many,so God keep you save and Bless you always in Jesus Name A-MEN!

GIVE THANK! 5-20-2008

CHAPTER 25

First of all I would like to thank to God for blessing me and for his forgiving me for my sin.I also would like to thank God for my wife and wonderful kids, great grand daughter and mother and father as well as brother and sister and the rest of my close family and friend. I also like to thank God for his son Jesus christ who died for our sin, .I like to thank God for blessing me with the knowledge and wisdom and the understanding of that knowledge and wisdom so that I can share it with other I thank God for his word and the voice to speak his word so that other can get his message,so I am thankful to be able to teach other and learn more myself.Sometime there alot of people who fail to give thank for what they have and for being bless with another day.Some people thank they got to where they are at in live by them self or though luck or what every.Somepeople go though days even month without giving thank,there are some people who don't know nor care to give thank.(some people thank that they have to give thank on thankgiving?) But Psalms: 100:3 Know that the lord,he is God it is he who has made us,and not we ourself:we are his people and the sheep of his pasture. Psalms: 100:4 Enter into his gate with thank giving and into his courts with praise, be thankful to him; and bless his name.So there it have been written,I would like to thank God for his word and I would like to thank God for you as well, for it's you that make this happen; let us all give God all the praise ,be thankful to him;and bless his name. A special thank goes out to Mrs Ophar; cause I have faith that she will help me get started and God have bless me with her help.I would like to thank God for blessing me while I am lock up and for the people that he have put into my life to come up with this book and the tittle,for Mr Harrison and Mr whylee,I would like to thank God for blessing me with the holy spirit. So I say to you the next time something good come into your life or something goes your way,just be thankful for what God have bless you with and don't let thet Devil tell you that you did this on your own;because there some people who didn't wake up today and there some people who don't have what you have and that as quick as you got there you can lose it even faster.The same people that you see going up you will see them coming down,there alot of people who don't have what you have and get a change to see good come there way. I thank God for you all and for buying my book, I hope that God Bless you all In Jesus Name A-MEN!

IN CLOSING (REFLECTION) 5-21-2008

Chapter 26 I hope that when you are reading this book at least once,If you don't get any understanding from it,read it again. This time pray first for the understanding and the wisdom and knowledge of God word. .I hope that through my testimony and my vision could help you with some of your life problem. .Let my dreams become your reality as we share what God put before us, that we could do his will. That is to save God children,let us come toghter as human, God creation, so as we walk this earth let our spirit show in everything we do,as I sit here in prison,waiting on that day to get release,my tast only began,I ask that God give me the straight to fight whatevery the devil put in my way,though faith and my trust in Jesus,I will not fail.I pray that that you find my book to bring you a positive feeling as you read the true story how I saw the light as I seen it, my God shine on me as well as you! I pray that Hugging God while Shaking the Devil Hand become a inspiration to you.I pray that you will see that the time is near, and the coming of the Lord is here! God is with us all,so let get ready,so take a look around you and you will see the world, not just were you live or in your town;everyone is going though problem,from the gas being to high, to not have health care,to the blood of the innocent that died so young and a problem that we all have seen being poor and hunger thing have to change.As you look back on what this book and be remind of the the young one who 13 to 25 years old, I said don;t forget to stop and do the right thing, life is more then what you see on T.V or what in your pocket.It's not all about the bling-bling or the size of your tire on your truck, or the shoe you wear;don't be influent by the negative thing,don't let the pee pressure get you to do something you know that not right and if you think that you can't handle thing or you are about to do something bad;ask for help and for forgiving and do something good for a change,know that you are the future and you should be apart of something great! Let not looking at be in jail or worst in hell be your future!Keep your faith and be straight,God will show you how to get to the heavenly gate;at time I think that if only I was young again will I do thing what I did to get here,If someone would have show me the way; my answer would be I don't think so, I would not be that much of a fool, I was raise better than that;there would not be any drug in my life(so stop doing them!) and I would have my own company by now;that all Iam saying that to the youth of today, don't be what they what you to be; be what you what to be, and that the best!God Bless you in Jesus name,just know that you are not along, Iam with you and other older good people out here in this world and always know that God is Hugging you right now!The time have come for us to step up to the plate and shine,let stop making excuss about why we can;t do this or that.It;s time to stop being selfish and afraid and take responabilty of our kids,It;s time for men and women to reach out to one another and put the brake on what going on in this world, stop letting stuff get in our way;such as drug, being poor and the fact that we just don't care.It;s time to stand toghter or we all will fall toghter, causewhat going on in this world just don;t effect me it;s also effect you ,and your children future as well? Don;t get it wrong because you are rich, or you are better off then someone eles,because for one thing for sure God don't care about money, God don't care if you are black or white, nor what religion your are, God don't care! Because you can't take nothing with you,not a thing; but you can leave something behind you, so let make sure we have someone to leave it to,let come toghter so that we can be strong, where we could be heard, that way we become unstoppable,when we all become as one our kids will have a place to live without fear, a place to grow up without drug, war and hunger, without been poor and lost,our kids will also follow our lead and God will would be done! I would love to say it;s going to be easy, but it;s not, I would love to say that we all going to do the right thing,but Iam not,But if written this book save just one, that greater then none, of God children then God will would be done.I dream of a time when the little kids can play on the front of there house and not in the alley,I dream of a time a gang banger become a responable adult,I dream of a time where kids will stop killing kids or anyone for that sake!I dream of a time where a men is a men not for what he have, but for what he give and what on the inside of his heart and for the respect that he give and receive, for the foundation that he build,know that you know my dreams,I hope that your dreams are the same or at least in that area, and that we make them become reality,for all to see, what God have put toghter there nothing that we can't do,let make thing happen and make a change for the better,let just do it, not because it's can't be done,or it's should be done, but because it's have to be done! Let just make that change for the better.Belive me you will feel alot better when you are doing good and when you make your kids happy, there nothing like a smile from a little a 2 years old, when they are playing or a 10 years old telling how good they feel when they come home with an A one there test that you have help them on or when your 21 years old make you a grandfather how proud that make you feel, I just don't know any other reason then that along! So to do it's right is to do your best and that what Iam planning on doing, Iam not going to stop until I get this book publish,cause Iam not going not to fail, even if I only get the help from anyone but God Iam doing great! The job will get done, This book will get read, and will seel to lanch a save our kids play program, where we will amke it;s save for the kids to play and the front oh there house,All this will get started from the idea of three imate in jail,who insprital the tittle to a book Hugging God While Shaking the Devil Hand?The first step toward get this dream to become reality is to get free from jail, also to do what I advise other to do is to let the Devil hand go! In Jesus Name! A-Men!

THE OUT –DATE! 5-21-2008

CHAPTER 27

As I get closer and closer to an out date,I look back on my life time in this jail,A look back into the people life I have came across ,some good and some bad, but all men,I look back at the people who's life I touch and the people who touch my life ,and it funny to said I thank God for blessing me with this time, not only did I get the message ,but I also got a chance to clearer my mind, I got a chance to get clean from drug and cigar, I got a chance to get in touch with my inter spirit,I also got a chance to help other though God word, I found out that when you speak God word it's become the truth and the truth become the light and people can see that .They know that when you talk to them because they listen to you.The words that you say to them become wisdom and that wisdom become knowledge that what you have taught them, who at one time did'nt listen to anyone, especial a stranger, someone like me, who would of thought that of me! Now I know you are saying how do you know that they listen to what you say, because a couple days later they come back and ask you more? What do I said ? How can I help you again, plus you can feel it in your heart, you know when you touch someone heart ,because your heart start to beat as there do? Then I was lead to the verse in Hebrews:13:3 Remember the prisoner as if chained with them; those who are mistreated; Since you yourself are in the body also: Know I do not know how or where I find God word to go with what Iam thinking or saying to someone at, that how I know it's must be the Holy Spirit in me. That how I know how to reach anyone with a soul and a heart to do right?As I get closer and closer to my outdate,I think of my life;I know that I do drug and that I don't have any money and the fact that I never wrote a book before in my life,The fact that I have seven kids and one grand daughter to support,I don't know but I have faith that every thing is going to be alright,that God is going to take care of me and my family!Hebrews 13:6 So we boldly say; The Lord is my helper ;I will not fear ;what can men do to me?So with that in mind,I do not worry about something I do not have any control of,so when they open up the door to this jail, I will not worry nor will I fear.I do not know where Iam going or what Iam going to do or how Iam going to get there?I I know that the first step I take out of this jail God goes first,that what put my mind at easy. I know that drug is my first battle;cause drug keep you in the dark and Iam trying to stay in the light;I want to see where Iam going;instead of walking blindness.I like the fact that I can do good without drug ,thatI don't have to have drug to fast my problemwithout getting high,if I can get 37 days of the cook country jail and help a soul or two, thenthe outside world should hold no fear.I just have to follow my on advise?Stay away from the negltive people,keep the petty thing out of my life and most important God first;The rest will fall into place.Hebrew 13:18 Pray for us;for we are confident that we have good conscience in all things desiring to live honorably.That all I want to do is to live life,where my kids can grow up;to be what they want to be without fear of their life been tooking by a bullet or someone other kids. All I want to do is to be able to take care of my kids and to raise them, teach them as I been taught. Since I been lock up I appericated what little thing that I have, but Iam thankful for what great thing I'll been bless with; my family, my wife and kids are my life,they bring me so much joy,I love them all include my mother and father ,brother ,sister,cousin, uncle, nices ,and neaf; I love them all they bring my happiness!They all have help raise me and show me the way,Iam bless.I might not have money;but I do have Love coming from everyone in my family from all over ,my heart is pouring over on a daily basic.I have a peace of mind; that you can;t put a prize on, that something people wait all there life and can't get.So I thank God for all my family and what they have taugh me;I also thank God for being lock up and thank God for what I have learn doing that time.I thank God on a daily basic for the time to Get Out. In Jesus Name;AMEN!

THE THING TO DO LIST! 5-22-2008

CHAPTER 28 The reason Iam making a to do list and writing it down,because I need for you to see,how good God is and how he have came into my life,and to show you how it's got started,with nothing:I have about 40 dollars upon my release from jail, no job, no clothes, shoe, my wife don't have any money, my water ,gas, and my light is on there way to been cut off.So Iam up the river without a paddle, but for some reason I do not fear,no one bit.........My faith is what help me keep going, it's tell me that every thing is going to be alright. I have Pray to God and left my life into God hand! So here is my to do List;in Jesus Name!

1. Put God first; The first day I walk out of this jail God walk before me

2.. Thank God for setting me free and for his blessing, as well as for his forgiving of my sins.

3. Kiss my Wife and Kids; Yes I have miss them so much,as esspically my wife, if you know what I mean.

4. Get my self toghter; like a hair cut and shave,I look like a wild man.

5. Pray for Strenght; Yes to face the devil and what he going to bring befor me Drug!

6. See my daughter Renee and my grand daughter; To let her know how much I love them,I need to see them more.

7. To see my Mom and Dad, Brother ,sister, I miss them as well ,include cousin and other.

8. To get a job maybe two ,because I need money ,so I have to get some kind of income.

9.To retype my book and to get it publish and to find out how and get help on doing it.

10. To pray more and to find a church that me and my family will like, who know!

Those are the most important thing that I have to do in 2009 that is my quest ;the first ten thing in my life,now how am I going to get there I have a glue only my faith that God have heard my prayer. I have to take these step in the right direction, and not to worry how Iam I going to get there ,not a drug or anyone is going to stop me. I know it want be easy and there will be alot of down fall, as long as I get back up and keep my faith, that my dream will get done; that what God love and God wil, It's a must; Psalms:1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the path of sinner, nor sit in the seat of the scornful. I am going to keep negative thing away from me as well as people, stay into the light, be strong, keep my faith and pray in Jesus Name AMEN!

A-REWRITE 5-22-2008

CHAPTER 29

13yrs-25yrs

First of all I would like to ask a question? A simple question ,where do you see yourself in the next ten years, before you answer that! I ask my 18years old the same question, she said she don't know, I said that a shame? The reason she don't know is because they are been kill, that a sad thing to say , but the true .In today world they are dying at the age of 13yr old to 25yr old as quick as anything I know ,not only are they are been kill ,but they are doing the killing as well, they are killing the little ones under 13yrs old, and I have another question to ask them, What did my little 9yrs old done to them where they have to take a bullet to kill her, sometime by mistake trying to shoot some other person, you are not doing it by yourself, but you are doing it. If you look at the murder rate today you will see what I'am talking about? I would like to know do you have any little brother and sister, or do you have a mother or father, the reason I ask is because you must don't love them at all, cause you are sending them though so much hell, A place they don't want you to go but you are quick to send them! Now if you have any kids of your own, you are been selfish where you are not giving them a chance to be with there father or mother ,cause you are out there on the grind, living you life without any respect for the people that love you at all .For you that have a little brother, sister or kids on there on ask them where do they see them self in ten years and they problily said the sky are the limit if you stay into there life.(If you are doing the drug dealing thing or what ever) you don't care, you are not doing your responabilty as a father, big brother or sister .You can't see thing right when you are out there taking those pill or smoking the hush or weed. I was like that when I was at your age, until I had my first daughter at the age of 16yrs old and I got marriage at 17yrs old, I know since the first day I held my daughter in my hand, that I was not going to be like other, I hade to make that choice, know don't let me tell you that it's was easy, cause it was not, as a matter of fact It's was one of the hardest choice I have to make in my life, but I did do it. If I had a chance to do it again I would do the same, because It's was one of the best feeling I every felt before .I had to give up trying to be a gang banger a B.G.D if you know what I mean? If I only had someone to tell me what to do at that age. The reason I am tell you to stop and take a look at your life is because you do have a choice, you can chose to take of your family or fall into the system like the other, and I am hoping that you are smarter then what they think you are! Don't let someone else guide your life or your family life calling them self your friend or your folk's or people or what ever they call them self, but not your friend, because if they was you friend they will stand by your side and be supportive of your choices .But if you go out there and fight for a spot or a corner {that not your anyway] try to be that tough guy, you will in up like like pookie, who got caught in a murder and have he to spend the rest of his life in jail, his girlfriend also have to support his kid along, your mother have to lose a child, not to forget about the life that you took out of this world over some stupid shit, you will have the rest of your life in jail to think about and your so call folk's or peoples will never send you a card ,if only you choice the right way ,leave that petty shit along. In Jesus name A-Men!

CHAPTER 30 (09-23-2009)

I AM STILL HERE!

As of today Nov-23-2009. I am still trying to get my book publishes, Iam still holding the devil hade? During the time that I been out alot of thing have happen to me and my family,. I have lost everything that I had, what little that I did have,but the most important, the one thing that have more valve then money or gold is my family!My wife and I have both been lock up in jail and our kids where taking away from us,all because we made a bad choice. We both did something that we will regret for the rest of our life.I almost don't want to tell this story but I have to tell the truth, I have to be real because that the only way people will read what I have to say.It all start one day in June ,the day that change ours life,that day we thank God for all that he have Bless us with.The day we shock the devil hand and still did something that made what Iam writting about seen false?That day in June I should have follow my own advise or read my book,because I sure could of use it that day,well let me tell you what happen and please don't judge me nor my wife after you have read this story please!Well on June 5 2009 I done the stupid thing ever,I even talk my wife into doing the same,know I am not saying that I made here do what she did,because she's a grown woman and capable of making her own choice, but I did nothing to stop her nor did she do anything to stop me,we both fail each other and did the most selfish thing that two parent could do to there children that they love. We got high,not just a regular high,you know doing drug that you know that you can handle,but we done drug that we had no business of doing espeacial mix them tighter. That day start out like any other day ,after we awake around enough time to get me to work,yes I had a job!The job was a bullshit job,but never the less,I got paid.So the night before I took home a couple of blows(Herion),my wife who get a perscicript for zanx and some other sleeping medication,at that time the light and gas was off at the house and the kid where going to go stay with there grandmom,until we find another place to live.